Do you ever want to run away to some isolated place and scream? Do you ever get angry over other people's pettiness when there are real, and serious issues others are facing? Do you ever feel that you are in a stormy ocean and as you break surface, gasping for breath, the next wave drags you under? Do you ever feel that all the world is mad and you are the only sane person? Or maybe the world is sane but there is something seriously wrong with you....
My home life at the moment is challenging. Not just a little challenging. My young adult stepson who is autistic and extremely volatile has regressed in the past couple months. As most of you know we feel like we have a terrorist living in our home. He wreaks havoc in the house, around the farm and wears down our mental and emotional health. Farm life in South Africa is already like walking the proverbial tight rope. The white genocide continues (with the president emphatically lying to the UN) and in our area the drought also continues unabated. And yet our pressing concern is that we cannot escape or find resolution for this desperate situation with the unhappy young man. We're exhausted. We're burnt out.
Yesterday I was saddened to read about some pettiness happening in the land of Steem. It seems others are also perplexed by what is going on. I found some comfort in reading the comments between the community minded "old faithfuls". There really are some amazing people out there. It is sad that they don't get the love and support they deserve and need. So many of us get lost in the crowd. And yet, how often do you feel lonely in a crowd?
When I look at the heartbreak some of you are facing it really angers me that there are such callous people in the world. Is life not short enough without petty bickering and selfish agendas? I never experienced this more than when I buried my first husband. During his long battle with cancer his strength and compassion for others inspired me. The selfishness of others at the same time disappointed me. He was the one needing to be supported and yet he was the tower of strength to his loved ones who were literally crumbling around him. Right to the end he was the most remarkable man with such a heart for people. It was his legacy. He still inspires me. And yet I have to admit I don't come close to being that strong. And I'm not even sick!
Life is wonderful. Really. It is. But sometimes the cares and troubles of the world overwhelm the beauty. Then you miss everything that is magnificent. My stepson screams. A lot. Loudly. Throughout the day. I battle to hear the birdsong. But it is there. He smashes our plates, windows, doors. I forget the fact that we live in a beautiful old farm house on our special home sweet homestead. My husband gets frustrated and feels guilty about his autistic triplets who are this way through his decision to vaccinate them. But his pain has saved other parents who learnt from his heartbreak. We have a beautiful and perfect baby boy who is our delight. Many have lost livestock, farms, lives due to the political unrest as well as the severe drought. But we are blessed to still live in safety and bounty on this beautiful homestead. Life really is wonderful. It is just an effort - a very big effort at the moment - to count our blessings. It is difficult not to drown in this stormy ocean without end. But we have a Hope and a future. We need to trust in the loving Arms of the Most High Who promises to count every tear and catch our teardrops in a bottle.
all photos my own from my life living in the African game reserve
