Most of you don't know me that well, but I have a story that lots of people can relate to. It's only because nobody knows me here, that I dare speak up.
After months and years of struggling, I have finally dumped my abusive boyfriend and let me tell you, it feels absolutely amazing! I have never felt better in my entire life.
It hurts my heart to see so many ladies like me struggling with their relationship. I write this in hopes that someone else who is currently in the position I was in sees it and is inspired to make a major change in their life.
When we have been in a relationship for a certain amount of time, it becomes comfortable. We get used to the person's company and the longer we spend with them, the easier it becomes to forgive all of the things that they do and make excuses for their behavior (even when their behavior should not be excused).
I fell into this trap myself and I can speak firsthand as to how easy it is to do so. So many of us experience abuse and instead of fleeing for the exits, we blame ourselves and we tell our friends and family that its not their fault. We come up with reasons why we need to change and do better, instead of pointing the finger in the direction where it truly needs to be pointed.
There was also a part of me that could not fathom being alone. Once you've been with someone for a long time, the advantages of single life fade further and further in the rear view mirror and I started to view myself as half of a greater whole, as opposed to my own entity. Losing your sense of self is scary and I lived this waking nightmare for far too long.
Ladies, there is no reason to stay with a man who is abusive to you and all abuse isn't physical. Abuse can take many different forms and I'm sad to say that I have experienced just about all of them, whether physical or mental. Being with someone who is mentally abusive can be just as difficult (if not more so), because their insults and rude behavior slowly chip away at your psyche until there is nothing left to get you through the day.
I have heard it all. I was told that I should be lucky to have someone and that the only reason I stuck around was because I was completely unwanted by anyone else. I was made to believe that I was less than special and even though everyone in my life rallied around me and allowed me to believe that I was still important, a piece of my heart would die every time he lifted his hand to me or told me how lucky I was to be with him.
I would compare the process of ditching an abusive boyfriend to ripping off a bandage. Sure, it might not feel good at first, but all it takes one quick yank to rid yourself of the issue forever. Once you make that rip, you'll wonder how you could have possibly lived that way for so long.
Now that I'm free, I don't regret losing him, I regret all of the years I spent wishing and hoping for things to get better. To all of the women who have abusive boyfriends and are reading this right now, I implore you to stop believing that there is some corner he might turn, some magical occurrence that will make him stop treating you poorly.
Those who are abusive tend to have their own unresolved issues and the longer you stay, the less likely they are to confront them and make a change. Sometimes, it takes losing someone who truly matters to us to wake us up and make us see the error in our ways. If you really love and care about the person who is abusing you, the worst thing you can do is stay, since this makes you into an enabler.
Embrace the concept of single life. I do not plan on dating again for a very long time. I realize that there are certain wounds that will take quite some time to heal and I am no longer worried about whether I can find love. I now know that I am special and that I deserve someone who will treat me as such.
I am looking forward to getting to know Caitlin better during these next few months and allowing love to find me when it is ready to, instead of trying to force the issue and fill the void in my heart with a new boyfriend.
Ironically, I already feel much less sad and lonely than I ever did when I was in a relationship. I am surrounded by family and friends who love me and it feels like I've gotten my life back. People who love us tend to drift away when we are in an abusive relationship, not because they don't care, but because it hurts them to see us like this.
Just know that dumping your abusive boyfriend and starting a new chapter in your life feels absolutely amazing. A dark cloud had lingered over me for far too long and now that it has lifted, I can't wait to see what the future has in store. Hopefully, my story inspires other women to follow my lead.
