If you are not one of my very old readers you might not know that I suffer from a panic attack disorder and have ever since before I was in highschool. I used to not be able to stay in a classroom for more than 10 minutes or else I would go into a full blown panic attack because I felt trapped. If you have never had a panic attack before, let me tell you it is one of the worst things you can experience in a public situation. For me I would get extremely hot, feel like I was going to throw up, start sweating perfusely and usually have to run to the bathroom.
Over time this has spread into more and more phobias, most notably a fear of losing control of my body. Because of this I use no substances that would make me feel out of control or “weird” like alcohol, marijuana or even caffeine. I take medication prescribed from a doctor and have for going on eight years but they mostly just numb my feelings. They have worked in what they were designed for, stopping my panic attacks, but I feel as if I am now missing out on life.
I have memories, remnants of feelings that were good like waking up on Christmas morning, but I no longer feel that happiness inside me. Now that I am entering the workforce, I am coming with the side effects that make me extremely tired and unable to completely get through the day like a normal person. The medication was always supposed to be short term but somehow it is continued through all this time. I have tried to go off it multiple times but failed each time, with a few times in particular setting my progress back months.
Recently I have been looking at research that uses illegal drugs like LSD to possibly treat disorders like panic disorders and to be honest I am very tempted to try them. I am a hypochondriac in many ways and one of my biggest fears would be stuck on LSD for a long period of time and have a neverending panic attack. However at this point in my life I am willing to risk that for potentially a normal life. I have dreams of traveling the world and yet I am terrified of getting on an airplane. This isn’t the life I desired and I am slowly realizing that.
I have also heard of a more intense treatment of using Ayahuasca, a drug usually found in the Amazon which causes the user to hallucinate and vomit, but has a very high rate of approval amongst users. Many people will book a trip to a center in the Amazon and experience this trip with a guide. It can be dangerous but from what I have read, it has changed many peoples outlook on life after a few times. Ive done therapy for 5 years and never gotten to the root of any problems which is why I would consider trying these extreme measures.
I am wondering if anyone has any opinions on using these types of drugs for similar situations or if they have worked out any problems for you. I would love to hear real stories from people on Steemit or any stories of people they know who have done it. I want to get better, but I just don’t know how.