Im sure any of you who have gone through any sort of school system know of the kids with the so called “Tiger Moms” who expect nothing but perfection out of their children. In many cases they check their homework before it gets handed in, do it for their child and make sure that they are nothing but the best in their class. In the short term this may help a child, but in the long term, not only does this many times lead to a lack of independence, but also hatred and resentment towards their parents later in life. One of my best friends had a tiger mom and when he went to college, he had a very hard time and blames his parent’s overprotection. Children need to learn to do things on their own, especially if they do them incorrectly because that’s how they learn and fix the mistake, they must be allowed in some ways, to fail.
One of the greatest quotes from “Batman Begins” summarizes my point perfectly. After a young Bruce Wayne falls through an old wooden floor into a cellar, he hurts himself and his father comes to rescue him. Upon rescuing him he asks the young Bruce Wayne “Why do we fall?” and follows up with telling him “So we can learn to pick ourselves up”. If you never let your child find his own way and transition into an adult, you are directly impacting their lives. Some parents are so crazy when it comes to trying to live vicariously through their children that they actively try to turn them to their image of perfection.
I hate that this has to be said, but children are people, human beings just like you and me. They need to be treated with a level of respect that acknowledges they are growing. Im not saying that you shouldn’t parent your child and teach them right from wrong, but you need to setup the right environment for them. There is an idea by economist Adam Smith called the markets “Invisible Hand”, which basically says that while you cant force someone to do something, you can influence their choices with legislation and incentives. This theory can be brought over pretty successful into parenting as well. Setting rules and guidelines for a child is fine, but let them make mistakes that they can learn from.
The most important part of letting them fail is being there for them when they pick themselves back up. Supporting them rather than scolding them is many times a much better option. If they get a 50% on a test, rather than yelling at them, ask them what they didn’t understand, offer them help. Guide their decisions by letting them know that they need to do better on the next test or else there will be consequences. Incentivize them to do well on their own and to learn how to act like a functioning adult when the time comes.
Don’t become the tiger mom or parent like the one I talked about in the intro. Make sure that you set up your parenting so it guides your children to growth. If they fail they fail, incentivize them to do better in a way that doesn’t push them away. Eventually they won’t see failure as failure, but rather as a motivator to do better next time. Edison said he didn’t fail 1000 times making the light bulb, but rather just found 1000 ways it wouldn’t work. This is how we grow.