There I am again, on an auspicious day, attending a wedding dinner. While waiting, I started to observe around while catching up with some people I knew but haven't seen for a long time. It was good. While I was waiting for the wedding dinner ceremony to start, same thoughts and questions came flooding my mind once again - why do people love 'Cinderella' type wedding? Alright, a piece of warning, you may or may not what you are about to read. This is just me putting my thoughts into words. Proceed with caution.
Source : pixabay.com/
I am not covering how the whole pre-during-post wedding ceremonies - like yum cha, heng-dai (brothers) game etc here. As a matter of fact, I do love getting to know and attend the different cultural wedding process, as found it very unique and fascinating in their own way. I'm basically just touching base on the big "Cinderella" wedding banquet.
Source : https://pixabay.com
WHAT DO I MEAN BY "CINDERELLA" WEDDING? Alright the BANQUET
Every country have their own way of organizing a wedding dinner. Some of which are grand, some of which are small and lovely. Most of the point here I am about to say mainly talks on the big/huge wedding dinner banquet. Possibly the word Cinderella isn't the right term to use but to me, it's kind of close enough - where you are in a huge wedding with many people,with the march in and all.
I am writing as general as I could, as I understand different dialect group have a slight different ways of how the wedding banquet takes place. And as a disclaimer, these are all based on my personal observation and understanding.
HEADACHE #1 : ORGANIZING PART - GETTING THE VENUE
Source: freepix.com
Unless you have a super efficient wedding planner, I guess this will be the biggest headache. Even so, you will still need to get involved quite a lot in the process.
Getting venue, usually it comes with two choices - Hotel or Restaurant. And most of the time you need to book at least half year in advance and for the super auspicious date where everyone wants to grab the same day, you probably need to plan and book one year or more ahead. Meaning to say, you already need to put in deposit and get your money stuck there to get you started. I have a personal friend who booked the super auspicious date they wanted like 1.5 years ahead. I don't know what to say..
INVITATION HEADACHE
Source: startupstockphotos.com
Don't know who to invite and not to invite. Let's face it, there bound to be someone who say "why didn't you invite me?" or "why did they invite me la.." becos some love attending weddings while some just simply hate it or some with their 'valid' reason. Personal experience, this totally not a close friend of mine invited me to her wedding, and we haven't spoken a single word the last 20 years and suddenly the 'red bomb' came through FB which she just found and added me like a few days before, didn't even send a message to say HI and throw me a 'red bomb' directly and expect me to be there. I was like.. Huh? What? Don't you think it's kinda weird ? It's always a tug of war when it comes to invitation, To invite or not to invite, that is the question.
IN-BETWEEN BEFORE THE DINNER NIGHT
Planning in progress..busy here busy there, then waiting game started.
THE WEDDING DINNER DAY - FINALLY
THE ANGPOW (RED PACKET)
Western culture are very much into gifts as far as I know. For Chinese wedding banquet dinner, red packet is usually given to symbolize the wishes to the couple. At the same time, these monies also help cover the expenses of the wedding banquet. And if you do it in hotel, usually the couple have to come out with some top-ups, while if it is held in a restaurant, it may or may not be on the gain side. These are just infos my wedded friends had shared with me.
Source: dreamstime.com
There are always generous givers and not so generous givers. Question is, how much to give ? I never really can quite figure out what's the right amount to give. So I guess you can kinda follow this few factors and judge from there :
- Market rate (If venue is hotel, it will cost a little more than restaurant)
- Your closeness with the bride/groom
- The Paiseh-ness (kinda like your obligation)
- Your generosity (your financial flexibility)
I feel there isn't like the right or wrong answer, as long as you don't be super stingy about it. Market rate would be a good start I guess.
PEOPLE AT DINNER
Source : stockunlimited
Well, the dinner sure looks grand and all, but honestly how many people does the bride and groom knows each person who attended ? Probably just 20 - 30%. becos for some parents, they would really like to invite the whole 'village' to come for the celebrations, some of which you don't even know who is it.
I really think that big wedding dinners are really for 'showcase', and no offense to the mama n papa out there, most time, I felt the banquet is really made for parents to feel proud of their son/daughter, which of cos is nothing wrong with it. It's a happy thing to make your parents proud, but unless the bride and groom are all in for these types of setting, is it really necessary?
Worse, some people never show up without having to give a courtesy call n say "hey we can't make it" leaving big chunk of the table empty (especially if it is book for a big family). Did i even mentioned, some thinks they are like superstars arriving like an hour or more late on the scheduled dinner time and can still march in like a LADY GAGA? Come on people, where's the respect. Even if you are a superstars, it doesn't give you a right to not respect people's time and all.
FIRST-HALF OF THE WEDDING BANQUET
If you are in Hotel, maybe you are safe. If you are not, be prepared for the KARAOKE SINGING battle ground (ok not a battle but you know what I mean). I totally understand many (especially uncles and aunties) would like to sing on the stage but I still don't get it, it's a freaking wedding, not a singing competition, so why la the whole stage taken over by Karaoke singers? I have even seen personally a "dai kam jie"horrifically hogging the mic and sang 6 songs in a row even there is a Q. And another worst thing they do is when they start to sing sad, break up love songs. Like seriously!!??! face palm.
Unless the wedded couple die die want the K session to happen, I feel the day should be focus on the wedded couple not for Karaoke showcase. I am sorry for all the Karaoke lovers out there, but this is definitely a NAY for me.
WASTAGE OF FOODS
Source : 123rf.com
Alright, usually there will be a dramatic 'food presentation' with The Final Countdown song - kinda signifying the dinner is now officially served. Sometimes can be pretty cool, though I don't really think it's necessary, so I guess just sit back and enjoy the show while waiting for your table to be served.
Serving shark fin (while i am trying to save the shark from being killed, there are still a lots of people unaware of this poor (probably going to extinct soon one day) species being killed cruelly for their fins). It would be great if "Stop Eating Shark Fins" campaign are place to get more people to know about this
There bound to be wastage of food - depending on who are you sitting with. If you are sitting with food lovers with black hole stomach, YAY, but if u are sitting in a table with small eater like me or the table aren't even full, then it's NAY = FOOD WASTAGE. It is especially when the banquet is held at the hotel as hotel have this policy of any unfinished food have to be thrown away. Sad case. Imagine how many homeless people we can feed with this unfinished food? Plus it's good food we are talking about. BIG NAY for food wastage.
YUM-ENG TIME
Or should I say time to get drunk? For those who attended chinese wedding, going around table YUM-SENG is kinda a must do. It's also nice for both the bride and groom to go around appreciating the people who attended the wedding while taking some great group table photos as well. Anyway, most time, the 'brothers' are the ones who will be the 'official' drinkers hehe..
For the responsible peeps, thank you for not drinking and driving. For those who drink and drive, I'll be blunt - STOP BEING STUPID and put other people's life in danger. If you know you will get drunk, make sure you have someone to drive you home. Else UBER or GRAB - ok providing they want a drunkard in their car that is. In any case, DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE ! GOT IT???
END OF THE NIGHT
Source : freepix.com
After the last dessert dish is served, both bride and groom with mamas and papas will be outside the hall waiting to say thank you for your attendance and well wishes.
After the happy banquet has ended, all it's left is the tired bride and groom who can't wait to get their good night sleep.. or is it?
FINAL : WELL WISHES TO THE WEDDED
For all the wedded and to be wedded couple, I am not here to judge you through the type of wedding you have had or going to have, I am just saying, all this Cinderella wedding banquet stuff is ain't for me. And I really still wish all of you wedded and to be wedded couple, Happy Marriage, from the bottom of my heart.
Given a choice, which I do have, I prefer to have a small and simple dinner with close family, friends and love ones. I don't need a big wedding dinner to tell people I am happily married or so. And up till today, to me, it's still a piece of paper that binds two people together legally, it doesn't define the love you have for each other. So love completely and unconditionally.
CONCLUSION
Big "Cinderella" wedding banquet? Definitely a NAY for me. Small scale with close friends and family, probably a yay.. What about you?
Till then,
Stay Awesome and Be the Best Version of Yourself.
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