The weekend Steemit meetup getaway in Tallinn, Estonia is done and boy, was that an experience! There is so much I want to tell you about that I'll have to do several texts about it. One "went to Estonia, had a great time" post isn't going to cut it. No way in Hell ;)
The past three days feel more real - despite now only being a memory - than what I came back to. As if I had been woken up only to fall asleep again, as if me writing this during the lunch brake at work wasn't real, just a trans I'm being seduced back into.
I miss the genuine satisfaction I got from eating left-over french fries from 
I'd take either of those again any time if I had the choice.
How do people manage to get back to life from holiday? For me all it did was showing a glimpse of something exquisite and now I want more. Do people come back happily from finally having to been recharged, to take on again at work? Maybe, but for me it didn't.
"Konsta, quickly, give a big smile to the camera before those tourists come on the way",
I witnessed from the mouth of another Finn. The kid sitting on a rock stair looked depressed with the parent commanding happiness reflecting gestures out of him, those that should come from within, not from his mother's mouth.
Why do you want your kid to smile to the camera? To shit yourself and others how great your life is? That at least this one trip was worth the cost of tolerating the job that paid for it? I'm gonna have to disappoint you: happiness isn't the indicator of success, neither is smile even an accurate indication of happiness nowadays when you're forced to do so.
I guess you're happy to come back because all you wanted was to "level up" your life in the face of other people with your trophies (you know, like children), to feed your old self. Not to experience something that would widen your world view, no, otherwise you might even start considering you're life isn't what you wanted it to be. Scary? You'll get used to it, unless you mask it away.
I myself am having hard time pretending so I'd rather not do that, though sometimes I feel obliged to in the midst of "untold social norms" that keep hovering in the air with certain circles.
But during the weekend? No, I didn't feel the need to do so in front of the people, not with my words, nor with my face - with people I had never seen in real life before.
That's quite remarkable, and a sign for me that I'm in good company.
Little too grim for a Steemit meetup post? Don't worry, I got something little more upbeat also coming up but I just had to get this out of my chest while suffering from "holiday hangover" (credit for the term goes to 
Me being all doom and gloom here doesn't mean I didn't like it, on the contrary: It's about the contrast created between the two realities. Luckily there's only 3 more months of this government forced labor left.
Reading others' posts of the meetup, I get immensely happy while at the same time sinking equally deep into the void. It was so good that I completely forgot everything else for a moment. Not even a single thought associated with anything work related came across my mind during the weekend, except that one moment at Hell when work became the topic of discussion with 
But I hope this misery stays with me for the rest of my time because then I know to remember how good it indeed was.
I miss that. I miss you guys.
From left to right:
