For some of us, life is full of luck, happiness and vibrancy. However, for the majority of us this isn’t the case. Here are some things that I’ve learnt throughout my own journey in life that are always useful to remember when you’re feeling stuck in a rut with no direction.
Photo Source (http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20171011-is-there-an-upside-to-having-no-social-life)
You’re not alone
I think that this is the most important thing to remember in life. When you feel as though you’ve lost your path or spirit for life, it can often seem as though nobody out there could ever understand or relate to what you’re going through. You may tend to check your social media accounts and see all of the people that you know seemingly having fun and living decent, wholesome lives but its important to remember that this isn’t reality. Behind closed doors things are often a lot different to what is portrayed in a 10 second video or a few pictures on social media. A lot more people than you think are also or have also gone through similar experiences and you may find that opening up to a friend could help as more often than not, we are all going through some kind of struggle. ‘Approximately 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year [1]. In England, 1 in 6 people report experiencing a common mental health problem (such as anxiety and depression) in any given week’ (https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/statistics-and-facts-about-mental-health/how-common-are-mental-health-problems/#.WlK44SOcZAY).
There is a light at the end of the tunnel… No matter how hard it may be for you to see right now
I know how it feels when you find yourself in a hopeless situation. You’ve given up all sense of optimism. You can barely visualise any impending progress. It just doesn’t feel as though anything good is ever going to happen for you. You may have days where you feel a slight sense of hope and a ‘can do’ attitude regaining within you, but this is often quickly crushed and tremendously short-lived when once again, nothing seems to be moving forward no matter how hard you may (or may not) try. Although easier said than done, the important thing to remember in these situations is that no matter how hard or impossible it may seem, you can do this, you can get out of this black hole and you can make something of yourself or change your life.
You owe it to yourself to not give up, you are important and you matter
It is hugely understandable that any person who is going through a bleak period in their lives may feel as though they just don’t matter as much as anyone else in the world. Maybe they have always had a tough life, maybe they have always felt different to their peers and this situation that they are now in only adds to their feeling that they just aren’t the same as everybody else and that they don’t fit in or matter, so why try to progress? The truth in this situation is that you matter as much as anybody else out there. No matter what you have been through or what you are going through, you matter and you owe it to yourself to ensure that you are great. Be great in everything that you do, have confidence in yourself and your own greatness. Who cares what the past was like or what today holds, you owe it to yourself to be great tomorrow, don’t allow yourself to be down-trodden any longer. We are all human and all bleed the same, regardless of anything else, you matter as much as anyone else.
You are not a quitter, and you can do this
When times get tough, when it’s a struggle to even muster up the courage to leave the house let alone to do anything else just remember that you can and you will do this. You will do this for yourself because you know that you are worth so much more than this. You know that you were destined for greater things, and you will get through this and keep pushing forward, even if you have to take baby-steps to do so.
All progress is good progress, be kind to your inner-self
For someone who feels as though they have hit rock-bottom, it can be easy at times to over criticise yourself for anything and everything that you do (or don’t do). So you were too down to get out of bed today? You put off that one thing yet again that you told yourself that you were definitely going to do today? You feel lazy, useless and ashamed?
STOP criticising yourself. It is important at times like these to truly know your inner self. Understand that you just couldn’t do some things today and understand exactly why you couldn’t do them instead of hating yourself for this. Try talking to your inner- self and being more understanding and kind to yourself. For example, if you happen to have found that all you could manage to do today was stay in bed and sleep the day away, instead of being disappointed with yourself try thinking over the situation in your mind. It might sound a little like this: ‘So I couldn’t manage to do anything today, I slept for most of the afternoon. This was probably because I was so exhausted from staying up stressing the whole of last night, which is completely understandable. Anyone else would probably sleep most of the day too if they were exhausted or went to bed too late for any given reason. I understand why I did this and I will do my best to take steps to solve this issue, but most important of all, for my current situation, this is okay and I understand’.
It is important to remember that acknowledging the cause of the problem and being kind to yourself is the first step to solving the problem. Any small task that you manage to do today, reward yourself for it and be proud. Also, anything that you may not have managed to do today, don’t beat yourself up about it. Recognise exactly why you weren’t able to do it, understand this and try again tomorrow. You will get there.
Just because you may not be happy right now, your happiness isn’t over
Often when a person finds themselves in a particularly rough, dark stage in life it may be common to think of past happy or enjoyable times and feel as though that time has completely passed and that this happiness will probably never be experienced again. This is not true. The most beautiful thing about life is that often everything is completely unexpected and unpredictable. You can never predict what will happen to you in a weeks, months or a years time. A lot can (and probably will) change, and new experiences will be had and new happiness will be felt. Just hang in there. You will enjoy life again and who knows, it may even turn out to be a lot better than you could have ever expected, no matter how hard this may seem to believe right now.
Everybody’s lives are different, and everybody’s idea of a ‘good life’ is also different
It may be easy to find yourself looking at the accomplishments of other people, the places that they have travelled, the fun that they are seemingly having and to feel as though there is something wrong with your own life. Maybe you haven’t got that amazing job yet like that guy on Facebook seems to have, but you’re working on it and slowly making progress to proceed in the direction that you personally want to be in. Maybe you don’t go out with friends all of the time like that girl on Snapchat and now you feel like a loser, but remember, maybe your idea of fun and contentment is staying in, enjoying your own company and reading a book or watching a movie. Maybe you don’t have that flashy car like that family down the road has but maybe you are happy with what you have and enjoy and recognise the small things in life. It is important to recognise that we are all going at our own pace in life, and nobody is behind anyone else. Your story is different to everybody else’s, and theirs is equally different to that of everyone else. You do not have to follow what everyone else does in order to be viewed as successful. As long as you find contentment within yourself and enjoy the small things in life or whatever you may personally enjoy, then you are too living a good life. You are living the life that makes you happy, not the life that impresses everybody else and makes them happy. Remember that.
Not everybody is judging you, and the opinions of others really don’t matter
Sometimes the worst part of feeling lost in life is the fact that you worry about what other people think of you or how they are going to view you. You feel like a failure yourself, and you don’t want everyone else to feel the same way about you. You’re ashamed to see people and tell them about your life or what you’re doing right now because you already have enough criticism from yourself and the last thing you want is to have this from others too. Remember, in the grand scheme of things, nobody else literally matters to your life at all. We are all born and live our lives and then die (as bleak as it may sound). You are on your own journey and writing your own story of life. No matter what that guy or girl from down the road may think or say about you, these people are completely irrelevant to your life and journey. We are all going to grow old and die one day, and then none of this will even matter. The only thing that will count at the end of the day is the things that you pushed yourself and allowed yourself to do, the things that you enjoyed and indulged in and loved. Everyone is on their own journey, and why let the opinions of others affect your own journey? Other people are truly so insignificant in your own experience of life and your own life journey. Take it at your own pace.
Don’t let the world harden your heart, remain full of love and kindness for yourself and others
Often it can seem as though the world is constantly throwing punches at us, and it can seem to feel as though it is literally one bad thing after the other. No matter how tempting it may seem to completely shut yourself off from all feeling or care in the world and to harden your heart towards literally anyone and anything in order to avoid further stress or disappointment- Don’t. Shutting yourself off and hardening your soul will not help the situation and you are likely to just cause yourself even more stress and disappointment this way. Don’t live your whole life being grumpy and feeling sorry for yourself. Remain full of love for others, allow your heart to remain open and allow yourself to continue to feel, no matter what these feelings may be. You may come across some people who do not necessarily deserve the love and kindness that you are offering them, but recognise that this is because they have a problem with themselves and it is not your fault at all. You will however come across a lot of people who do deserve the love and kindness that you offer, and who return the favour to you, which in turn makes your own life a lot brighter. Don’t let your spirit die, continue to live and be bright.
You are literally doing the best that you can for your situation at all times
It may be simple to assume that you are at times not doing enough merely because of the fact that you may not be currently in the situation that you wish to be in. Maybe you hate your job and earn low pay, but maybe its all that you can find at this moment in time and you are literally doing your best to make a living for the time being just until you find something better. Maybe you are not even currently employed and feel useless, but you maybe you have applied for jobs and have so far had no luck, or maybe you are in a situation which means that at the moment you virtually can’t work, but you wont give up and you are doing your best for your situation at this moment in time. Maybe you aren’t able to buy all of the things that you would like, maybe you aren’t able to do or have things that other people do or have, but you are working on it and you are always doing the best for the current situation that you are in. It is important to remember that there is always a reason behind the circumstance, and no matter how significant or insignificant your personal reason may seem, you are doing your best at this moment and that is all you can do.
You only get one life, live it
I know that this may sound terribly clichéd and that you’ve probably heard this saying a thousand times before and thought something along the lines of ‘how am I supposed to ‘live’ my life in this situation’ but, it is true. As far as we know, we probably only get one shot at life, so try your best to remember this and to be bold and courageous, as scary as this may seem. You don’t want to end up looking back at your life and thinking ‘what if?... I could have done so much more if I didn’t hold myself back’. Realise that this life and journey is yours and yours only, and make it the best that you possibly can. Remember that failure doesn’t mean that you are not able, it means that you were bold and courageous enough to try, and that you learnt. Everybody will fail at some things, but it is important to be strong and bold enough to try again. At the end of the day, it is much better to find yourself looking back at your life and thinking ‘wow, I dared to do so much and even when I failed I dared to try again’ rather than to look back and feel as though you gave up hope after a few downfalls. Take a firm grasp on your life, and live it before its too late.
Find peace within your inner-self, remain positive and know that you can do anything and everything that you want to. You can and will do this. You owe it to yourself.
Thank you for reading. I am fairly new to this and I really wasn’t sure what to write about, so I thought that I would choose a topic that possibly a lot of us can relate to. If one even one person is able to relate to or is inspired by this then my time and rambling wouldn't have been completely wasted. 🙂