During a consultation with my OB three years ago, I made a joke about how expensive formula is--which she did not find funny, at all. As it turned out, she is a breastfeeding advocate. Needless to say, I got an earful about how important it is to breastfeed babies because of its health benefits. Okay, so I knew that breastfeeding is the natural way of feeding a baby but, because of all the formula advertisement on TV and almost all moms I know were feeding their babies with formula, I wasn't really well-informed about breastfeeding. But because of that one enlightening conversation with my OB, I started researching and decided to breastfeed my son no matter what. This decision was solidified when I gave birth prematurely. I wanted to give him nothing but the best--and it did pay off. In just 6 weeks he was able to gain 1 kg. In fact, he gained 1 kg every month until he was about 1 year old.
He went from underweight to overweight in just a span of a few months. I don't need a weighing scale, my back can tell. Haha. He became so heavy that everyone was already encouraging me to stop nursing him--but, of course, I'm relentless. Put it that way, my breastfeeding journey sounds like a piece of cake--but life is not all rainbows and butterflies.
Because I had a premature labor, my body hasn't had the chance to establish my milk supply, yet. This means I need to convince my body to produce milk, right away. I took all sorts of supplements that can increase my breastmilk from malunggay (moringa) capsules/teas and fenugreek to lactation cookies, but it felt like it still wasn't enough. I also started pumping for breastmilk right after getting discharged which is a big no-no according to some individuals as it increases my risk of developing mastitis or milk oversupply. But do I really have a choice in the matter? They say relax your mind and body, and the breastmilk will soon flow. Easy for them to say. Hmph! Who can relax when the hospital's milk bank charges you Php500 ($10) per 100ml of pasteurized breastmilk? And my son, even then, has a voracious appetite so--yikes! It's funny how hospitals don't allow formula to encourage breastfeeding but will sell you pasteurized breastmilk that will cost you an arm and a leg.
I was at the hospital every day until my son got discharged because they said the more the baby latches, the more milk you'll produce. It also involves rushing to the hospital at the wee hours of the night because of a call we received saying my son's milk stash is getting low--pushing my body to produce more milk while suppressing my tears while doing so. I don't know how many lactation supplements I've ingested--but it never seemed enough. When we finally took him home with us, I was able to produce just enough milk but not much left for building a stash. So by the time I went back to work, I was only able to collect a few bags of milk that will last him the entire day until I get back. If I get stuck in traffic while going home from work (which is almost always), my son won't have milk for the next few hours--so I made one of the hardest decisions of my life. I relented and mix fed him. I don't know how many nights I've cried myself to sleep because of that decision but, while 'breast is best', I couldn't let him go hungry.
After finally making the decision to let go of my job and be a full-time mom, we went back to exclusive breastfeeding. But, of course, the adventure didn't stop there.
Exclusive breastfeeding means giving your child the best nutrients possible but it also means cold meals (if there are any left) because you will always be the last person to eat. I swear my son knew exactly when I was gonna eat. Just before I can take my first bite, he would start screaming his head off. You would also have to deal with the occasional mastitis (which hurts like a b****!), niplash, nip twist, and don't even get me started on when they start teething. It also means you can't wear your favorite OOTD because you need to wear clothes that are convenient for breastfeeding or pumping. Simply put, your body is no longer just yours. Honestly, there are days I feel like I'm a milking cow.
When they are a bit older, they will also start doing weird yoga poses--while nursing!
We were supposed to be in a side-lying position but my toddler decided he wanted to do the 'lie-on-top-of-mommy' nursing position. You know what's even weirder? He actually fell asleep in that position!
Hmm...Now, that's what I call 'milk drunk'. lol
At first, breastfeeding was just a choice. I didn't know that it will soon become a commitment. Giving up was never an option--but it was so so so tempting. However, when you commit to something, you see it through till the end--unless there are underlying medical or mental conditions to consider.
This post is not meant to undermine moms who choose to formula-feed their babies or make them feel inadequate. Yes, 'breast is best', but there's nothing wrong with formula, as long as they are properly fed. I have nothing against formula. I was formula-fed myself and I turned out fine. At the end of the day, we all do what we can to make sure that our babies are properly nourished.
This is a tribute to all breastfeeding moms who have endured and continues to endure judgment from uninformed and judgmental people, as well as physical pain from nursing their teething baby.
