The power of narrative: From character to author

Our lives will be determined by what comes after these two words…I am. I am powerful, strong, kind, sincere. I am tired, weak, stupid, and hopeless. The lives these two types of people will live are fundamentally and drastically different.

One defines agency, a self-responsibility, a purpose, and a faith to change the environment in which you live. The other a learned helplessness and a deterministic mind that traps you in your environment. If it is one thing that this community has taught me, it is the power of choice and the power of purpose. The choice to consume what content enters our mind and the joy that comes with using that knowledge for something greater.

For the first time, I am writing my story instead of having it written for me and the sense of power that comes with that begs to be shared. Not because of some special, esoteric quality in me or in the people we admire, but because we realize that the peace we seek is an inward journey. For many that first step is self-awareness and here is what I learned over the past 10 months.

We read what we want the most but experience the least

They say all those who wander aren’t lost but as a lifetime wander I have learned two things. This saying applies to people who wander well and even experienced wanders don’t want to do so forever.

Over and over, I would start new hobbies only to give them up. Trying to change context to to fill my desire for a need – a new job, a new city, a new partner, a new friend. All because I did not know where that gap came from. We like to say that you need love. You need a social life. You need to be happy. Yet, we rarely acknowledge how deep those words are or that we have to define them ourselves.

How we fill the emptiness gives greater insight into what the emptiness is than endlessly contemplating over it. In relation to this community, the content that you consume is the north star. At that period in life, I consumed how to content. How to write better, sing in key, play guitar, create graphic designs, and product development. I assumed that the emptiness was loneliness when really it was a desire to grow.

So, I started applying what I was reading. Now from a wanderer I am a designer, a classical guitarist, and a product manager. The content I consume is now different and that's teaching me what my needs are now. Listen to what you read and consume because what we read is usually what we want the most but experience the least.

It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness

Some days the wall is just too high. You give 1000x or at least feel like it and make zero progress. The reason why I wandered so much and let go of my agency was not because I had impossible problems but because I lacked the faith to solve them.

We listen to the people we do because we believe that they can solve our problems. A creative entrepreneur pitching a widely successful vision or to the sales person who swears he or she has the cure all to leather stains. I listened to and read self help gurus because I didn't believe I could solve my problems.

Believe in yourself. You have everything you need to solve all the problems before you. Even though at times, it feels the world is against you. Believing in yourself does not mean never ask for help. It means that you seek advice and use the wisdom to come to your solution. By out sourcing your problems to solve for others, you are missing the opportunities to grow.

We are more honest when we write

There is growing research in this topic. The idea is that the spoken word has always had a deceptive aspect to it. We exist and participate in lying throughout our entire lives for whatever reason we do it. We lie about our height, the cars we drive, our age, our income, and so on.

Writing, however, is inherently introspective. It uncovers rather than conceals. Here is the difference. On one day I told everyone I’m doing okay. However, here is an excerpt from that days journal:

“My bones feel week and my soul tired. I’m in a pattern and I can’t seem to break out. It’s spring but why do I feel so cold today? “

I am

It’s amazing how much our soul and spirit gets battered by others and ourselves. The first time I looked in the mirror and said I am beautiful, I couldn’t stop laughing. Those two words, I and beautiful, did not make sense together in my mind. That’s why I give myself to others opinions. I gave up my agency to feel beautiful. I needed this type of clothes, these type of shoes, and so on.

When, with all else equal between two people with the same goal, it is the one with the least amount of doubt that prevails. You are already beautiful, great, loving, and now it’s just up to you on how to actualize it.

So who are you my dear friend? Thankfully, this post has no conclusion. That’s up to you.