Hey guys!
I'm sitting here staring out my window at the beautiful beach of Omokoroa town in the bay of plenty NZ thinking...
It started off when I lived on my own in a little apartment in NZ's capital, Wellington, and started reading to pass the time. I read a lot about ego and a lot of spiritual awakening, meditation and self healing books which encouraged a lot of deep thought - sometimes to the point of no return. I felt myself being sucked further and further into an emotionless, non sympathetic black hole!
WHY?!
I would look around me and the news was just spreading fear and bullshit propagana, ISIS this, disaster that, danger, danger, FUCKING DANGER! I would observe different people at cafes or on social media and all I heard and saw was negativity and jealousy, putting "friends" down or gossiping about this person or that person. I just had enough and decided to try to disconnect as much as humanly possible. At first i thought it was good that I was able to disconnect and not feel anything. No emotion, no sympathy, NO FUCKS GIVEN! Just me - free of problems and drama and I lived this way for quite some time.
BUT WHY DISCONNECT?!
Well basically, I couldn't take people's lack of gratitude anymore. We are so caught up in our little world of privileges that we tend to forget about the rest of the world and those that have REAL problems! I could no longer feel sympathy for someone who just bought a brand new $2000 dollar TV which is faulty, and have taken to Facebook to tell everyone how pissed off they are! I could no longer understand or sympathise for someone who was mad that they had waited a whole 20 minutes for their EXTRA FUCKING HOT QUARTER STRENGTH LATTE! I could no longer listen to someone talk about how fast their car goes or that they just spent $1000 on a piece of metal which makes their car sound like a space ship!I just felt completely disconnected from everything and everyone because I kept comparing these first world "problems" to REAL FUCKING PROBLEMS! People are too busy trying to showcase their meaningless materialistic needs, to prove that their life is better than the other's, whilst humans out in Syria are getting slaughtered every day! The Earth is dying as we speak! Oceans are being depleted from oil leaks and polluted by cow's waste right now! Animals are being abused and hunted to extinction EVERY FUCKING DAY! The list could go on and on! I couldn't just sit there, give a fake smile and pretend like none of this was happening anymore.
THE CHANGE
The disconnect lasted a few years altogether, with some days and months being deeper and more detached than others. Basically, I got to the point of questioning everything - which is good up until you're questioning your own purpose and also the purpose of all Homo Sapiens. Why are we all here? Forget about your job or your religion, money, fame, possessions, passions EVERY GOD DAMN THING! FORGET IT! Why are we here? I would love to believe there is some higher purpose, which is what I told myself a few years prior, but I have struggled to see this lately. Is it just chance that we evolved here on Earth, the perfect environment and conditions for life, food growing from the ground and trees, fresh spring water to keep us hydrated; is this all a coincidence? Could the rest of the universe really be empty? This is what was running through my mind every day, and slowly but surely it got me down. I couldn't see a reason for my existence. Should I be another money chasing sheep? Should I give in to the system and settle down, get a mortgage, have a few kids and spend the rest of my days paying off the banks? I just couldn't see it, no matter what I came up with in my head, I just couldn't see it working because none of it actually meant anything to me. Nothing I could do, no amount of money or job title would mean anything in a hundred years time. I was simply just living until I died and I found that hard to comprehend.
It was around the time Instagram was born that I learnt about Veganism. It started off as a joke kind of thing, as I'm sure it does for most people, a lot of memes going around and a lot of hate was placed on Vegans for no reason at all really. At the time I was still searching for some kind of purpose and so I delved a little deeper into the Vegan world.
The information I was getting and the videos people were sharing were just horrific and after watching a few documentaries I pretty much turned Vegetarian straight away! For the first time I felt like I was apart of something BIG; much, much bigger than me and it felt great! Of course when I told my dad he hit the roof, but fast forward to this present day and I'm..... STILL ALIVE! (much to his surprise lol) I've turned Vegan and I'm healthy - probably the most healthy I've ever felt and looked! I'm slowly starting to feel my emotions coming back and I'm working on being a better person and showing sympathy and love towards people who may seek my help! At the end of the day we are all human and it doesn't matter how much money we have, where we come from or where we live; we all feel pain and we all need love.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT OF THIS POST?
GO VEGAN - it solves all your problems! Haha kidding.
Honestly though, I think perseverance is a major key! Don't be too hard on yourself! Implement small changes into your life, not for yours and anyone else's gain, but simply for the future of our beautiful planet because that makes a big difference in the long run. Work on being more considerate, work on taking control of your ego, help others, read books, JUST BE BETTER THAN YOU WAS YESTERDAY!
In the wise words of young kendrick....
Thanks for reading
CJ Sound!