You're still breathing, so the life of spirit is not over for you.

If you ask me, you have been quite unlucky in your choice of husband. I know this because I've read your post about "open marriage" and the dead giveaway is that he tolerates the very idea of it from you. You simply cannot be a happy woman with a man like that, honeyscriber.

Meanwhile true happiness is right next to holiness (from the word "whole"), so how can anyone expect you to be spiritual without even being happy, whole?