Sorry to hear of your troubles.

Relationships can be very complex and It’s a delicate balance between having a person in your life whose company you enjoy while not losing yourself in the process. If your goal was to become something that would make her happy you were headed in the wrong direction. Your presence should be an enhancement of happiness for your partner and not the sole source; this goes for both of you. As you try to become something you think will make her happy you slowly become someone she didn’t fall in love with. That just leaves you in a place of confusion for your not yourself and your left out in left field feeling lost. There is a huge difference between compromise and sacrifice and you can tell the difference by how you feel; compromise doesn’t give you that kick in the gut.