Driving along the endless highway and observing the brewing storm I was lost in daydreams when all of a sudden I noticed the driver leaning towards me. Something told me to avoid looking at him directly but rather to observe thru the side of my eyes.
His hand was searching for something under my seat and I felt that he was observing me intently. Initially I did not think much of it until...he slowly pulled out a large gun...one of those Wild West looking things I only had seen in the movies before.
WTF?!
Slightly unsure what to make of it I kept looking towards the mountains, noticing lightning flashes descending thru the dark clouds. It was one of those moments where I had the unsettling feeling that this could turn into a bit of a situation as my inner dialogues increasingly became louder and...faster. An intense smorgasbord of options rushed thru my mind.
“ Wow, this is going to be interesting. Is this a sick game or is this for real? What's it gonna be? A Robbery? Rape? Cold-blooded murder by an insane hillbilly?"
For a moment I had to come to terms with the possibility that may be, may be this is it: End station...your journey ends here. Time all of a sudden stood still.
Next thing I noticed was him putting the gun right to my head which was a tad even more unsettling.
Ever been in a time and place where you find yourself in a 'OH NO' scenario , having to face a challenge that is anything but what you would like to deal with? It is just like wanting to pinch yourself to wake up from a bad dream.
deciding moments like this
There are a few moments in your life, when you’re faced with a choice. And what you do then decide everything…Are you ready for that moment when it comes?
There was a part in me that remained remarkably calm despite the unfolding scenario which seemed surreal, in a way like being in a bad movie. Yet at the same time something inside screamed, as my body got drenched in cold sweat.
"Wow man, this is getting out of hand. You better make a decision fast!! "
Fighting the situation seemed futile and outright dangerous. Trying to talk my way out of it nicely was unlikely to succeed as there was a sense that no matter of what I would say or plea would make any difference. Opening the door and throwing myself out of the driving car also did not seem to be a very attractive option as we were going to fast.
Something told me to avoid directly looking at the guy and to acknowledge the unfolding situation.
The metallic click of the gun's hammer being pulled back brought up another peak experience of adrenalin overdose. My mouth became as dry as the desert and I was literally left speechless.
"Next stop Nirvana! Will it hurt? How long does it take to leave my body? Am I actually ready to leave?…countdown to oblivion? " These and other departing thoughts raced thru my mind.
An almost otherworldly calmness descended upon me and I heard a voice talking to me, loud and clearly.
" If you take this situation and believe what circumstances suggest...you will create accordingly and may end up to what you imagine the outcome to be.
Ignore what circumstances suggest, detach from your imagination, surrender and let go of any thoughts. Let go and surrender!"
“Yeah, right…”
It did not take very long to make a decision and I completely surrendered, even to the very possibility of impending death.
What followed was bizarre. Completely ignoring the situation my head was turned to the side and a kind of channeling took place. It was as if my grandmother was talking thru me, yet I had no idea what came out of my mouth, nor did I have any sense for how long this channeling went on. The words came out calmly... no thinking … just starring out of the window and being a vehicle for spirit to manifest.
In a way it was as if I had left my body already and was watching the whole scenario from an outside perspective. Thoughts kept rushing thru my mind with lightning speed:
" Will I manage to stay conscious in the transition? Is someone waiting for me on the other side? Am I really ready to go...into the light? Got any unfinished business or regrets? Will I see my entire life flushing in front of me just before kicking the bucket? Any last thoughts , wishes, messages, confessions or statements....?"
Eventually I sensed the withdrawal of the revolver from my head. The metallic sound of dropping shells hitting the floor was welcomed with indescribable relief. Yet I, or rather "it", kept talking, despite the situation changing.
Shortly after this little episode of cheap thrills my driver stopped and advised me to get out. It did not take much persuasion.
Game over
I took hold of my backpack and for the first time directly looked him into his eyes. These were the eyes of someone who had crossed the threshold... I could see a touch of insanity reflected in his penchant look: "Deliverance incarnate!"
He took a last look at me and muttered thru his rotting teeth: “ I think you are all right. Have a good trip…be safe.”
With a faint smile I nodded, and made a feeble attempt to wave as our ways parted and he took off with high speed, disappearing into the desert.
I scratched my head and realised an important lesson: I don't live in a world of reality, I live in a world of perception. You can let go of the fear because you know it is an illusion that you don’t need any longer. At the same time I had to think of something that Patrick Overton once said:
"When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you
must believe that one of two things will happen: there will be something solid for you to stand upon, or you will be
taught how to fly.”
Welcome to the church of perpetual astonishment...
Thanks to Pixabay for the photos