Standing on the edge of the precipices the winds of change all of a sudden started to pick up speed. An unexpected danger that I had not anticipated ! I was exposed to sudden wind gusts which, in this height and position, surely would have the potential to finish my 3 D experience quickly...in less than a blink of an eye as I would not stand any chance... there simply was nothing to hold on to.
dangerous mind games
Upon coming to terms with the assessment of the situation it dawned upon me that I had taken a grave risk by exposing myself dangerously to the elements.
"Are you out of your mind? How could you do such a thing? This is game over...you are way out of your comfort zone man!" I heard a freaked out part inside of me.
You may or may not know when you are ready for a sudden big change and rely on your intuitive guidance.
In a flash some disturbing scenarios emerged, images of being blown off the cliff falling and falling forever. Urrggghhhh.. mind going bananas! Something got me to look down into the chasm of no return and a strange thing happened. When you look into the abyss ...after a while the abyss looks at you.
Siren songs came from deep below, trying to entice me : "Let go, let go... spread your wings and find your peace. Surrender and juuuuust let go... juuuuust let go and fly! Now you are free!! It is eaaaaasssyyyy".
I had to pinch myself as this situation had turned into something out of a dream with a cutting edge! Ever had that unsettling feeling when you hear something murmuring inside: "Yikes...you have gone too far this time! What would it be like if you would not have this issue?"
the will to live, the will to die
My legs started to shake, almost uncontrollably. "Houston we got a problem!!!" One thing was for sure: the
next few moments would provide some existential learning experiences, in one way or another! To make matters worse my head started spinning and I became aware of a part within me that simply wanted to let go of control, responsibility and just loose consciousness to join them Sirens in their never never land.
"How easy is it to simply let go and end this dream? Are you really ready to leave it all behind?" My heartbeat and breathing was getting out of control.
It was of foremost importance just to get the shaking under control as it also heralded an upcoming panic attack with cold sweat running in streams over my back.
"Great, just great. Exactly what I needed...NOT!"
wake up call
A deep seated survival instinct kicked in with a lesson learned previously. I aimed all my intention towards breathing deeply into my belly and with some focussed breaths it quickly got me back into the Here & Now. The shaking of my legs stabilised but it felt as if they now could give way.... easily.... any time.
"Wake up and get real! You get what you focus on. Focus your energy , focus your view...look ahead and focus on where you want to be!" the voice within blasted straight thru the hypnotic siren songs with it's sombre message, loud and clearly. How easy is it waking up out of a dream and getting myself back into the drivers seat?
The voice continued: " Find a point of focus in the distance. Look straight ahead! Ground and center yourself, expand your perception and focus on that point. Now retreat , step by step. Stay focused on your breathing and intention."
The wind continued to increase and I noticed the wind in my hair as it got stronger by the minute. Being simultaneously aware of many possible scenarios and sensations I kept my focus and presence, carefully retreating inch by inch.
Finally upon reaching the cliff I had to sit down as a sudden energy drain forced me to rest and to reflect on the meaning of a close encounter with the other side. This had been a strong and above all, timely reminder of the need to be aware of what I focus on in my life.
final thoughts
In a way I was in disbelief of having exposed myself to such an experience with potential fatal consequences...on the other hand I was glad that I had done it because it had given me a strong boost of self confidence and the strong will to live. It was needed at the time and this rite had been a powerful medicine...metaphorically speaking. How much gratitude can you feel?
“You may believe that you are responsible for what you do, but not for what you think. The truth is that you are responsible for what you think, because it is only at this level that you can exercise choice. What you do comes from what you think.” A Course in Miracles
Thanks to Pixabay for the photos and Samuel Stonehill for design
