We live in a society where we are expected to fit parenthood into our already very busy lives. Yes, we can continue to have a job, keep up with housework, maintain a social life and raise a child, all at the same time. But at what cost?
Babies don't know what society demands of them. When they are born, their brains and bodies are significantly underdeveloped compared to any other mammal. And yet we expect more emotional independence of them. As a species we focus mainly on the physical, and are painfully unaware of the emotional and psychological needs of our young ones.
The Ferber Sleep Method
The biggest issue new parents face is the lack of sleep. When your baby wakes you up every hour and you have to make the 9 o'clock meeting, you start looking for a solution.
"The Ferber method, or Ferberization, is a technique invented by Dr. Richard Ferber to solve infant sleep problems. It involves "baby-training" children to self-soothe by allowing the child to cry for a predetermined amount of time before receiving external comfort"
A baby's cry is designed to raise a huge alarm system for the parent. No babies cry for no reason, and very often this reasons is simply the immaturity of their nervous system. Their stress-response system is incapable of regulating itself, and they need to be held by a calm adult in other to bring it back to normal. Left to cry, their body will quickly fill with dangerous chemicals.
Yes, they will eventually fall asleep from exhaustion, but that is very far from self-soothing. Babies simply do not have the neurological ability to self-soothe. They stop crying because they have learnt that there is no response to their cry for help. Studies have found that babies' cortisol levels are still dangerously high even after they appear settled.
Babies are terrible sleepers, and it has nothing to do with our parenting.
Their nervous system is underdeveloped, so they need to wake up often to prevent SIDS (infant death syndrome, known to be cause by babies' inability to wake up).
Their digestive system is underdeveloped, so they need to eat tiny amounts very often.
Their respiratory system is also too young so they need the close presence of their carer to help regulate it.
No other mammal will let their much more independent offsprings sleep alone, and yet we came up with the idea of not only leaving them on their own, but completely ignoring their cries for help.
Not only will our children lose their trust in a 'safe universe' and in our constant protection, but by ignoring those natural alarm bells, we basically force-stop our natural empathy towards our own babies.
Telling our brains that it's okay to hear their cries and sit idly can have a serious impact on our bonding and future relationship.
