My Neighbor is an interesting dude.
My Neighbor is an interesting dude. He is in his early 60's; lets just call it 62 years old. He is a frail Vietnamese man who I'd assume is a 1st generation American citizen. He's always been polite, albeit rather gruff. Whenever the exchanging of pleasantries CANNOT be avoided, it's always accomplished with the absolute minimum amount of idle chatter. After all, "Idle chatter is illogical Mr. Neelix"
Idle chatter is for the untrained, illogical mind. We ain't got time for that shit around here!
He seems to be quite the Stoic; something for which I have nothing but respect and admiration. He's quite the disciplined fellow, but like all humans, has some character flaws. Occasionally in my neighborhood of Denver, CO we'll get some significant snowfall that resembles this:
Nothing like a 5 am "shovel" workout to get the blood flowing.
Whenever it's time to remove snow, the neighbor uses his fancy snow blower. (not the most Stoic way to remove snow) I like to use "Old Red":
Old Red has served me well over the years.
I get the sense that the neighbor & I are competing to be the first driveway / side walk shoveled in the cul-de-sac. Man vs. Machine if you will. I'll admit, he usually beats me every time, but I do enjoy the challenge. The "competition" is probably all imaginary, but I think I've convinced myself that it's true. Off on a tangent! This isn't really a story about snow shoveling, but rather an attempt to "paint the picture" about interactions I've experienced with my very interesting neighbor!
Recently, my neighbor's father has moved in with him. He is a mid 80's looking man; let's say 85 years old, and resembles his son in nearly every aspect. Same slight build, same stoic nature. If there's any wonder what the neighbor will be like in 2 decades....it's his dad for sure. Here is what impresses me about the neighbor, and especially his 85 year old father: I have witnessed this 85 year old man perform feats of strength while doing yard work that would blow your mind and blowout your hip.
I've seen this 85 year old man shoulder landscape timbers like this:
Nothing like doing your own landscaping to prove your manliness!
I've seen him man handle rocks like this:
Fuck You Rock!
I've seen him out at O'dark-30 changing out sprinkler heads like this:
Keep in mind....this is the 85 year old father I'm talking about. The dude is a fucking beast.
Lately, I've noticed the 62 year old son will get ridiculously drunk around July of each year. It usually involves heavy drinking and acting like an idiot outside. Last year around July, we were out front watching the other neighbors do fireworks and we witnessed some juicy neighbor drama! Last year, the 62 year old son was outside with cutoff jeans, no shirt, cigarette dangling from his lips, and was emerging from his garage.....slowly straddling a child's bicycle. He had the I'm blitzed out of my mind honey badger don't give a fuck look going on:
To make a long story short, his wife came outside and prevented his departure. Honey Badger proceeded to kick the fuck out of his bike in a child like tantrum. Can someone say: DRAMA
Fast forward to July of 2016. I was coming home with some groceries last week when I noticed honey badger poised in the same position as last year: cut off jeans, no shirt, cigarette dangling from mouth, straddling a child's bike....you get the idea. I did like most people do when there's a massive vehicle wreck on the interstate....I rubbernecked & rolled slowly into my garage. I was hoping for another "show"....but not this year.
This year added a new dimension to the odd behavior. A few days after the anti-climactic bike incident, I noticed the 62 year old son in his back yard with basically NO clothes on. He seemed to be very inebriated and was blaring some very melancholy asian music while rocking back and forth much like Rain Man explaining how "He's definitely a good driver". My wife & I chuckled about the neighbor while eating lunch. A few hours later, I went outside to do some yard work & noticed him passed out on the concrete in his backyard. Hmm...that's odd. Then, a few nights later I noticed the 85 year old father stripped down to his underpants acting as if he was participating in an Ayahuasca ceremony. It was the same craziness his son was doing a few nights earlier: rocking back and forth, heavy drinking, having conversations with imaginary people....
This is the 85 year old "beast" of a neighbor. Seriously....Honey Badger don't give a Fuck!
I find this fascinating, and I'm starting to wonder if this is some sort of ceremony they are performing since it seems to occur annually? I wonder if they are both grieving for a lost loved one...perhaps Mom? I'm fascinated, but I don't think it would go over to well if I said: "Hey Vulcan, Honey Badger Neighbor....what's up with the crazy antics"
Anyway....just thought I'd share a funny story from my little section of the world. Does anyone else have any some funny neighbor stories?