Who did not enjoy watching the movie “Father of the Bride”? I don’t think fathers often realise the important role they play in their daughter’s lives. When watching this movie, I admired the loving relationship between the father (Steve Martin) and his daughter (Kimberly Williams) and often wished I had such a special relationship with my father.
When trying to think back about what went wrong in my relationship with my father, I remembered that up to the age of five it was great but then one day he abused my brother and my mother stepped in and became the victim of his rage. It made such an impact on me that still now when I think of my parents, that day will always pop up. This type of behavior of my father plus him being very charming towards other women continued till I was an adolescent and often my younger brother and I would wish they will get a divorce.
Two years ago, round about this time my psychologist said something profound to me which hit a home run and a light turned on in me. I have been divorced for six and a half years at that time but my ex was still very much part of my life so much so that he moved back into my house six months prior to me having to see a psychologist. My psychologist said to me: “What example are you to your children? You are teaching your boys that it is "ok" neglecting a women and treating her without respect, you are teaching your daughter that it is "ok" to accept a man who treats you badly and to be his slave.” My children are my life, as all mothers I will do any and everything for them so these words imprinted on my heart and I realized he was 100% correct.
Did my father’s behavior towards my mother influence my view point towards men and how I treat them? Yes, it did unfortunately to say.
You as a father can bring different dynamics into your daughter’s life. The way you treat her mother and your daughter will teach her what she can expect from a man in her life.
Fathers often do not realise the influence they have on their daughter’s life when they are actively engaged in it. Studies have proven this by research done on the subject, aspects like self-confidence, relationships with the opposite sex, education, career and body image were greatly influenced.
Self Confidence:
A father can boost his daughter’s self-confidence by complementing her on her physical abilities (her sporting abilities, how well she takes care of her body), mental accomplishments (intellectual abilities) and emotional growth(how maturely she handles situations in life). Knowing that he has noticed these positive traits about her makes her feel good about herself which enables her to face the world with pride and show confidence in all she does.
Body Image:
It also had been proven that fathers who are actively involved in their daughters lives especially during their adolescent years helped preventing eating disorders. Pay your daughter compliments on the exercise she does and what she eats, motivate and encourage her to continue or to start doing these things in a positive way. Be careful what you say and how you react as this can influence her self confidence.
My father and older brother used to tell me I do not need to worry about a job as I can go to Atlas and kick start jumbo jets. My legs were very muscular and I hated them because most men wanted legs like mine but for girls they were too bulky and huge. Yet I only weighed between 48-54kg all throughout high school and was actively engaged in all different types of sport and activities, I developed a low self and body image, and always felt I was huge. It took me all these years to realise that I was actually quite well built and I will give anything to be back there again.
Relationships with the opposite sex:
Fathers seems to withdraw when a daughter enters the teenage stage and she starts to develop. This is when she needs you the most and not only her mother. It has been said that it is very important for a father to speak to his daughter about dating and sex even though both parties might feel uncomfortable because they can have a great influence on their daughter’s decision making abilities when involved with the opposite sex.
Things you can do:
Have father-daughter dates on a regular basis this will create that special bond and give you time to speak to each other. Ask your daughter about the qualities she is looking for in a man, what is her dreams and aspirations for the future, show her you are interested in all aspects of her life last but not least encourage her to be the best she can be in all things.
*Take her to the movies, ice-skating, a dinner, ten pin bowling, putt putt, rowing, hiking, museums and use your imagination and do things that includes both your interests too.
I have only briefly touched on the most important things a dad can do for his daughter, there are so much more you can do but importantly show and tell her you love her. Treat her like your Princess and she will become just that.
So to all the wonderful fathers who tries their best, I hope this will help you improve your relationship with your daughter.
Keep smiling, reading, writing and voting!!!