My Heart Aches - My Good Friend’s Labor and Birth Experience

I am very emotional at the moment. Matter of fact tears run down my face as I write this post. Let’s see where do I began?...

I have a good friend I have known since the 3rd grade. We have shared a lot of life together and continue to do so. We have watched each other grow our families and this was the second round we were both with child at the same time. Although she moved to a different state over 7 years ago, it’s as if she never left.

At the beginning she wasn’t as big on natural remedies as I was and she really didn’t study about having a vaginal birth. I would share my knowledge and experiences with her that I had working with my midwives. I shared different techniques and tips to help her achieve a vaginal birth. She always urges me to become a doula or midwife because of the support and encouragement I give to women. If I wasn’t a homemaker a doula would definitely be my choice of profession. I love empowering women to take control of their labor/births and showing them ways it can be achieved.

During her recent pregnancy she reached out to me and asked more questions as well as kept me updated with how her pregnancy was going. This was her third baby and each of them were around two weeks past the due date. She had been dilated to a 1 for over a week. She told me she didn’t want them to induce her labor. Her doctor had already told her they might have to do so if things didn’t start progressing soon.

I suggested to her to try primrose oil because it helps kickstart the labor process naturally. I explained to her how I used it for my first birth when I too was dilated to a 1 for a long time. I took one capsule vaginally and in the middle of the night I woke up with mild contractions. I had my baby that very next evening. A week prior to this I also suggested to her to start doing perineal massages to help get her perineum stretched and ready for the crowning stage of labor. This method helps to prevent tears and getting an episiotomy as well as encourages labor. She took my advice on that and started doing the massages right away. She then says,

Well I don’t feel right making a decision on when the baby should come. The baby should be able to come on his/her own. No one else should determine that.

I then reply,

You are absolutely right and I agree with you. But when you are faced with decisions you have to make the best choice possible for you and your baby. You already know that your doctor is telling you they may have to induce you. So would you rather them break your water for you and possibly give you a harsh medication that will affect you and the baby or would you rather choose a safer more naturally way to help start labor on your own?

She thought about it for a few minutes and then asked me specifics about the primrose oil. Two days later she took one capsule vaginally and one capsule by mouth. Six hours later she texted me and said she was having consistent contractions that were 13-14 minutes apart. Then at 4 am the next morning which was seven hours later, she texted me that she was dilated to an 8!!! She was so glad she took the oil rather than letting the nurses and doctor give her something more harsh and breaking her water unnaturally.

Every mother envisions or thinks about what their labor will look like. Those woman who mentally and physically prepare for a vaginal delivery have in mind what kind of labor they expect to have. They usually go in determined to make sure they will not have to have a cesarean. They study and research to find positions and breathing methods that will help them get through the hardest parts of labor. They are focused and know how to listen to their bodies and do what needs to be done. They are connected with their babies and learn how to work together with them to bring them down through the canal.

These are the things I seen in my friend. She was determined to have her baby vaginally and not enter that operating room to have a cesarean. But then as her labor progressed the nurse tells her,

Sweetie, I don’t think the baby will fit through your pelvis.

They send for the doctor to assess the situation. They tell her she has to have a cesarean because her baby is weighing a little over 8 pounds. My heart drops as I read her message this morning and I began to cry for her. She told me she wishes I was there with her. I too wished I could have been there with her comforting her as well as encouraging her to keep going for a Natural birth.

Cases of CPD (cephalopelvic disproportion), when a baby cannot fit through a pelvis are very rare. When a women is pregnant she releases a hormone called relaxin that loosens her ligaments and joints to help facilitate the baby through the birth canal. Our babies skulls are made up of several bones that allow their head to mound and fit through the canal. This is why they have soft spots on their head when they are first born. So our bodies were made and equipped to deliver our babies through the birth canal.

Another factor is birthing positions. If a mother is laying on her back during labor, gravity is not working with her. It makes it harder for a women to get her baby down the canal as well as causes more strain and unnecessary stress. It also narrows our pelvic measurements. When a mother is squatting or in a position where gravity pulls down on her body, it works with her to help get the baby down and out easier. The gravity pull opens up our pelvic area more.

My concern was this...were they just telling her that because they were impatient and didn’t want to wait for her to finish laboring naturally? Did they opt for a cesarean because that’s where the big bucks are made and everyone can go home sooner? I’m sorry but I refuse to believe she needed to have a cesarean. My first response to the news was

It’s okay, what matters the most is the safety and health of you and baby.

Then as I thought about it, I wanted to be truthful and honest about my thoughts. She had asked me thus far my opinion on things so I wanted to give her one more. I texted her my concern and encouraged her to keep going for the labor she wanted if she feels she can handle it and if her body is telling her she could do it. Unfortunately I didn’t hear back from her until after the baby was born by cesarean. She had a healthy 8 lb. 6 oz. baby girl!

Yes I’m very sad she didn’t have the birth she was expecting but I am thankful for a healthy mom and healthy baby. It’s so hard when you watch someone work so hard and are so excited about a possible great outcome. I just knew how bad she didn’t want to have that cesarean. I know I’m not a doctor and I know some people believe in every decision a doctor makes but that is just not me. I know about too many situations where the hospitals have used scare tactics to lead a mother down a cesarean path when it was totally unnecessary. I know of a couple that decided to go with their gut feeling and continue as normal and their baby came out strong and healthy. I know it’s risky not listening to your doctor and going with what you feel is best but you have to look at the fact that hospitals a BIG business and they may not always have your best interests in mind.

To you mothers that have tried to labor naturally and couldn’t continue due to health concerns or medical reasons I am so sorry . I have had a few of you reach out to me and share your stories. I am aware that some women are at risk and have no choice but to have a cesarean. This doesn’t make you less of a woman or mother and you are amazing for carrying your baby and bringing them into this world!

If you haven’t read my two posts on Empowering Mothers to have a Natural and Intervention Free Birth you can view them HERE and HERE.