Meaning of Life
The other day, my son asked me why we are here. Puzzled, that a 12 year old would randomly come to me with such a question, I asked him to be more specific.
Like, why do some people live a short life, like Freya and why do some people live to be 100? What's the difference?
To bring this to perspective, Freya is my daughter and his little sister, born prematurely at 20 weeks and lived for 10 minutes. To hear him use her name, knowing the impact that situation had on him, told me I was going to need to sit down for this one. I asked if he wanted a simple explanation or long...he paused and asked for the simple, and if it worked for him, then he'd be good; if not well then he would want the long.
Ryan, the short answer is we are here to be born, live a productive life and then die.
As SOON as I finished, I damn well knew that was not going to suffice. He of course wanted the long. So here is what I told him.
What's This Life For?
I wanted to explain to him what he wanted to know but I also didn't want to forget that he is 12, not an adult. I wanted to make an impact on him, to show him my thoughts and how I process enigmatic questions such as this. I proceeded to explain that I believe and it is my opinion that no one person has a path chosen for them. Provided they grow up in a good environment, they should, by all accounts, be a productive person in life. Grow up in the opposite and they will inevitably be a non productive person, statistically speaking. I went on to say just because people grow up one way or another doesn't mean that those last few statements hold true. I used Lebron James as an example, stating that he grew up in Akron, took to basketball compared to the streets and he knows the rest. I also used movie stars and celebrities, showing him that even though you have all the fame, love and admiration of the fans, money and seemingly no worries, you could still end up garbage.
Then, I went on to say that in my life, I have chosen to live my life the way I see fit. I have accommodated friends, birth's of my children, marriages and death of loved ones into my life. Those instances, those people, have molded me. I preached that life is a lesson. Learn what works for you; don't just follow, but lead and build your own path, your own road in life. You will feel a sense of accomplishment and self worth which to me is the most important part of life. Live, learn and move on to the next chapter. Take the good and the bad from the past and use it to build a stronger road, add bridges over gaps too far to cross on your own. Use support from friends and loved ones and NEVER be ashamed to ask for help. I closed by stating that if he can use what I am telling him now for the future and remember it, possibly it will impact his life positively and he will be able to achieve what he wants.
Work Hard and Earn More
I wanted to also make him aware that nothing in life is easy...it may seem it and sure, some things, they will come easier than others. He countered and said
I've always been good at soccer and I've always been the fastest kid in my grades.
Smiling, I let him know that there was life BEFORE kindergarten. I tried to make him remember trying to kick a soccer ball, missing it and falling on his ass. As proud as he was with his prior statement, he now was equally seemingly embarrassed. I told him it was alright, that we all forget. We must learn to walk before we can run. No one comes out of their mother and just flies like the wind or drops goals from 30 yards out effortlessly. Life, just like on the field, takes practice. You will fall on your ass many times. Again, go back to learning from the mistake that put you there and embed it in your brain to know what to do so you don't end up there again. The smile returned.
Like when we lost the championship the one year and I stared at the 2nd place medal for months and used that feeling of loss to come back and win it the following season?
Exactly son, exactly.
Life and Death
Over the weekend, a coworker and his wife welcomed their first child. They received all the surprises that all of us parents warned him about. Long labor, complications resulting in emergency surgery and finally the "mom and baby are doing just fine" moments. We were all on the group text getting the updates throughout Friday and into early Saturday morning and waking to find that his son was born. Brought a tear to my eye as I reflected on what I shared with my own son through the years and what will be shared through the future.
This morning another coworker informed us she would not be coming in. Her mother, gravely ill from cancer, was in the hospital and hospice was being called in...6 year battle this woman fought. Mother, grandmother, sister, aunt daughter...she was all these things. She passed shortly before Noon today; her pain is no more. My co workers and immediate family shared our thoughts and love for my coworker, assuring her if she needs anything to let us know. She thanked me via text and said she will indeed keep in touch.
I came home to share that with my son today. Explaining that sometimes, those close to you will experience life and death and because of your bond with that person or persons you will feel their happiness and unfortunate sadness. Teary eyed, he looked at me, nodding...
I think I get it Dad...the one lady passed away because she had taught all she could and lived and loved all she could to simply make life here better for the baby that was born. This way his life might just be a little easier, right?
Exactly son...exactly.