I am happy that I will soon get dialyzed and have my blood cleaned out again. I am nearing my anniversary of being under dialysis in December and wondering still if I can reach that month this year. It will be unfortunate if I would ever live for a month more with this kind of condition that I have.
I remember getting a tube on my chest which is painful and then getting wheeled to the dialysis room for the first time because I really do not know what to expect and I do not really want to remember those times even the past week of my life for that matter because it is not something that is worth remembering or being put in one's nightmare because it is worse than a nightmare.
My past life is one of the worst one can ever imagine which is why if only I can get a reset button and start over again I maybe had done it a long time ago. But it is a crazy idea, either you stop living or continue living in this world, but my life is just merely to survive and exist now more than to live life happy as many people struggles to achieve because obviously no one in their right mind will ever get happy a second with this kind of life that I have.
I've been sickly and weak all my entire life and never had recovered after I went to the hospital in the mid-90's because of a swollen lymph node in my neck. After we had gone home from the hospital I could not climb our guava tree anymore nor jump over our concrete fence and after being in dialysis what was left from my little strength just dwindled until I can't easily get up from a squatting position nor press the nail cutter with my hands.
I am still dreaming that I could regain my strength back, maybe I will or maybe I won't but still hopeful. I just needed a lot of prayers and kind thoughts from the people that cares for my welfare. Prayers do work a lot if the heart of the one that does prayers is pure and fears God.
With all these mountainous hurdles in my life I am still choosing to fight to survive because I have no other choice but to try to improve my life with the help of the people near and far who cares for me and by the mercy of God for my soul.