Do you ever, ever ask yourself this question?
I have this struggles for whole my life, not just with the Steem. Why do I live? Am I good enough to stand on this ground, to live? Is there any person who want actually listen or read what I have to say?
Overthinking? Maybe.
I was raped, I spent my childhood in hospital, I almost lived in psychiatry, I can changed my address from my home to mental hospital for how many times I was hospitalized there and for how long. I am fighting with some weird stuff on and in my brain, I just go from hospital to hospital to see another doctor and hear the same opinion. Operation, chemo, pills, will see.
Nobody can for sure tell my diagnose, but you know what. I don't care. Yes, sometimes it's hard, usually it is. Sometimes I just enjoy in this life ride and accepting this life storm in which I am. I love it on some weird way. I am my storm.
I can't write about super cool new android application, I don't want to write about Einstein theory of relativity, I want write about life. About suffering and about winning the battle.
Life is a one big big BIG battle, and what will you do with that? Accept it, live it or made something of that?
I choose all of that. I want made something of my life, I don't want to be a victim of life, I don't even won't to be the survivor. I want to be the person who changed other person, who changed group of people I want to be SOMEONE. Not because of my high intelligence, not because I get awards for some projects.
I want someone who will come and say "This girl changed my life. I love my life. She motivated me to become better person and now I want do the same for others!". I want to be someone like that. I want be that girl.
I told you, I have so much to tell, I have so much inspiration stories from my personal life. Mostly all of them start from the bottom, from the abyss, and I live with them, accept them and make it better. Who knows? Maybe I die because I'll fall off from a cow. But you know what, I can live with the peace in my heart because I know I didn't hurt anybody, I live my life because I want to help people, I want them to smile, I want be that one person from the pit who smiles another person and we together win the battle of life.
We will all die someday, but we need to survive. We need to prove that we are here for the good reason. I have the reason. Have you?
Call me naive, tell me I'm stupid, tell me I can't live like that, that something that I want isn't possible to do. Please, try me. Then I will try harder, I can be sad, I can cry, but don't ruin my dreams. I believe, one day... I'll wake up, open my eyes and tell ''I succeed. All my life had sense!''
Am I valuable for that? Give me the chance. Give chance to yourselves! Give it to all. Everything can be better at the end. If it's not, well... than you can be sure that this isn't end, not yet.
I know I can't change the world, that I can't change everything I want. But you now what? I can start. So can you! ALL OF YOU! :)
Each of my posts are new introducing. Would you keep up and read me (don't need to follow, save me in bookmarks) are you will think that you can live your life without knowing how much you can help(ed) someone and live your life just on your own. Without even trying. Is it hard to try? Well, try and tell me. :)
Are we valuable for that? Together, we are. :)
Big greetings,
Dadazler
Picture of me, lying and thinking what to do next. (all pics are taken with my mobile-phone, bad quality, I know. But in each of this pic is one big story!)
