Self love is a pretty tricky concept to implement when you find yourself with full blown tonsillitis as I have in the last few days. I recon it was one good time too many and my body just went on strike. What started as a sore throat pretty quickly escalated to a raging fever and vomiting, I will spare you the details of what the back of my throat and tonsils look like... it is revolting!
Anyway.... Having had too much fun with David and Emmah on Wednesday night I came back on Thursday and fed myself wholesome food before getting into bed. That was my self love for the whole day and I had to accept that some days don't leave you room, time or energy to make a specific effort so you just have to take what you can get along the way. In day 11's case, that was food and sleep! (insert girl shrugging shoulders emoji)
The next morning - being day 12 - I woke up sick, like sick sick. I'm not a sickly person so it is always strangely shocking and frustrating to find myself unexpectedly incapacitated. I had an appointment and a lunch date that I couldn't get out of so I dosed myself with the contents of mum's medicine cabinet, put on a brave face and willed the hours to pass me by. I got home just in time to be hit by a massive temperature and sudden vomiting followed by a complete lack of energy that left me napping on my bed, covered in ice blocks, while Em and mum marvelled at the heat my body was radiating. So my self love for that day? Well like yesterday's, I'm not sure it's black and white but there's something to be found in every situation and looking back on it, I didn't back down from my commitments but looked after myself at the same time and then gently gave in to the fact that I was sick beyond my control and let myself be surrendered straight into my bed for the rest of the day which was probably the kindest thing I could've done for myself so has to qualify as self love. Boom.
Day 13 started off with a serious increase of pain in my throat which was now absolute agony, swallowing was torture and I knew I now needed a little more help than I could get over the counter. A subsequent trip to the doctor confirmed that I had nasty flu but then chucked a surprise gift in there in the form of acute tonsillitis. I hadn't thought to look at the back of my throat and in retrospect, I wish I never had. I'm going to spare you the details but lets just say my throat and tonsils look mouldy and raw at the same time and the sight of them immediately made sense of the pain I was experiencing. Anyway, antibiotics in hand I climbed back into bed where I stayed for the rest of the day and followed all the doctor's instructions. I was meant to start working the next day but I told them I couldn't and booked myself off till Tuesday. That phone call alone qualifies as self love for me as it wouldn't have been the first time I'd put my health second to a job but no more, I'm looking after me now. So there's actually lots of love in there; going to the doctor, getting into bed, getting out of work, sleeping...
Writing this has made me realise I've done better with implementing my self love than I'd thought when I first started writing, I think I've just been feeling so shitty I assumed that shittiness went across the board, but it didn't which is making me smile! :) Anyhooo, yesterday Day 14 was another "take what you can get and turn it into self love" kind of day! I did a whole lot of sleeping, finished watching the Crown, wrote down a few more intentions and stuck everything up on my mirror, drank tea with Em and then went to bed again. Actually it wasn't a "take what you can get and turn it into self love" kind of day, I definitely made an effort there, I need to stop underestimating myself!
