This year has started off with a serious bang. Career opportunities have appeared out of nowhere, the only two men I’ve ever loved have both re-entered my life, I have the option to stay where I am or move across the world. There is so much room for change it is terrifying.
None of the decisions I have to make have been made, I am so confused about so much it is overwhelming to even contemplate how different life could be. What I think and want seems to fluctuate constantly and what I know for sure one minute I doubt the next.
I’m guilty of chronically overthinking things which doesn’t lead to conscious, rationally made decisions it just gives me a tummy ache.
It’s something I’m working on. Let go and let God is a daily mantra and praying for stillness is a daily activity, I’m a long way from having mastered either but I have realised and accepted that it is the only way.
Trying to analyse and control every facet of your life will only ever drive you mad. Pushing or resisting too much seems to always have the opposite effect. Desperately wanting something just drives it away and avoiding things just draws them closer.
I think the way to find peace and acceptance with whatever happens is to stay present. We spend so much of our time analysing the past and worrying about the future that we miss the here and now.
When our focus is directed on one path we miss the rest of the turn offs along the way. As they say; life is what happens when you’re busy making plans. If you're too attached to those plans you’ll only ever be disappointed when they don’t work out which then stops us from
recognising how much better things are because they did.
It sounds cliched but everything really does happen for a reason. Like this job. I am so grateful for it. Not only is it a blessing financially but it is going to help me take my mind off everything else. I’ve been praying for calm and grounding and this is what I’ve been given; a distraction, something that involves no one else in my life, that keeps me physically busy enough to give my mind a break and some space from all the looming decisions on the table.
