Hey Steemers,
Sexual misconduct is a topic that inspires rants and raves. Today's society is saturated with women bravely voicing accusations of the horrific acts committed against them. To ALL victims: we believe you. We stand with you. You are held by a vast sisterhood. Turn to either side and you will see the crowds, empathizing and making noise on your behalf. The #MeToo movement has become the megaphone for a message that has been silenced for far too long. Immense gratitude, to all the Silence Breakers.
It is my belief that egregious sexual assault is the product of a culture of complacency. Complacency towards the objectifying rhetoric and aggressive advances that men show women every day. It happens all the time. It would be nearly impossible to find a woman who has not experienced this. I'd like to share a few of my own stories.
When I was 11 years old, prepubescent and naive, I was harassed by a much older man. My family takes annual vacations to a condo community on the coast. With 30 people in tow, we occupy multiple houses. One morning, I was jogging between two of our homes. I passed a maintenance man in a pickup truck, who rolled down his window as I did so. "Hey cutie!" he called, his eyes on my breasts. I picked up the pace. The next day, my brother and I were biking together through the same area. He saw us and yelled, "wait where you are!" before chasing us down the road a ways. For the next four days, his eyes followed me whenever my family spent time in the public space. I could hear his key ring jangling as he approached. We reported him to the community's manager upon leaving, who said that this was not the first complaint against him. He was fired immediately.
I was a kid. I was terrified. That man saw my youth as vulnerability, and preyed upon it. This sort of "harmless" commentary is a breeding ground for further harassment, particularly if the perpetrator receives no negative feedback. I was ashamed of what happened, and thus scared to tell my parents. If I hadn't, and if they hadn't made the call, this man might have chased other girls. His chase might have been successful. This incident taught me that speaking out is the right thing to do- unequivocally. One, because I deserve closure and security. Two, because of the protection it offers my fellow women. Three, because calling out these acts helps reduce societal complacency towards them. Hear us roar, we will not stand for this.
Something similar happened when I was 16 years old. An middle aged man approached me while I was on a cardio machine at the gym. This meant that I had nowhere to go- and I felt trapped. He "complimented" me, saying that exercise was "doing me well". His eyes scanned my body as he offered detailed descriptions of what he liked about it. When I walked out of the gym, I found him waiting for me on a bench. He handed me a cookie, saying that I "deserved it after all my hard work". He walked with me until I reached my car.
Again, I was a kid. This man invaded my space; he helped himself to gazing and analyzing as if he had a right to do so. He had NO right to do so. It was and is MY body. It is not an extended invitation to men. Also, this sort of commentary is absolutely not a compliment. It is disrespectful and objectifying. I was too intimidated at the time to do anything but smile and shrug him off. Hear this, though- I no longer wish to placate. If this happened today, I hope I would be bold enough to tell the bastard off.
Recently, I experienced two of these situations in the same day. I was at the gym in the morning, doing crunches in a corner and facing the wall. An older man approached, bent down, and pulled my headphone from my ear. He commented on my body, his face far too close to mine. I put my earbud back in and continued with my workout. That night, my boyfriend and I returned to the gym to use the hot tub and sauna. I beat him into the hot tub, and was the only girl among a gang of men. They made comments about me, both to me and to each other. It didn't matter that I was right there. I moved to the sauna, which was directly adjacent. As soon as the door shut, they began to loudly scrutinize my body. They talked in detail about my figure, contemplated how old I was, and made vulgar jokes. I sat five feet away, with one thin wall of separation. My boyfriend walked past as they were talking, and asked me if I was the subject of their commentary. Together, we faced the men. We told them off, and they blubbered excuses like a pile of idiots.
Women should not be intimidated to wear bathing suits in such places. We should not have to expect that we will be examined, discussed, and evaluated like auction items. We deserve eye contact, personal space, and the respect of being left the fuck alone.
The truly screwed up thing is this... I am lucky that my experience with harassment goes no further. I have friends who have been raped, drugged, and stalked. There are many women who experience this from bosses, romantic partners, colleagues, and friends. I believe that the way to fight back is to address misconduct in its earliest stages. This requires recognizing the injustice, labeling it as such, and ensuring that the perpetrator is punished. Systemic accountability, rather than complacency. This world and its women are ready for sweeping change.
