Welcome to he BXXXTY project. the BXXXTY project is a healing platform through exploring sexuality that will include a 5-episode podcast pilot scheduled for release in august 2018. The words shared here are intended to articulate the challenges I experience because of childhood sexual trauma, as a creative outlet to address them but also make people aware of the value I desire to share with others through the BXXXTY project experience. All that is shared is with the intent to drive awareness of the BXXXTY project & inspire others to activate their own healing process.
All rights reserved by the BXXXTY project.
Excited to find more people like us to use creativity to heal 🧚🏽‍♂️. contact me at theBXXXTYproject@gmail.com to collab <3
LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! Do you hear the message? Can you relate? What can you teach us from your experience? Your healing?
I LOVE YOU !
posted date 6/8/2018
creation date 6/3/2016
creator Danny cygan
meaning
Wow, this one is was deep in my book of words, back in 2015, but DAYUMMMM is it a good one! Most likely one of my strongest poems I've written. This one in particular is about how I view "manhood" in society today based on my life experience. Given I've been raped by my half-"brother" around when I was 8. There's only one time that I remember, but my sisters remember more than once (more on that later, we share very similar experiences). Regardless, this is the struggle I find in learning who I am given the foundations I've been awarded by the lottery of life, including parents who were wildly controlling (in their own right given their experiences that I still know very little about).
Including a father who always literally lived the motto "do as I say & not as I do". The accumulating occurrences of him cheating on my mom behind her back (I have my thoughts about what's considered "cheating"; but to put it simply, in this case, it broke the foundations of what my dad always told me..."respect your mother Daniel". I would take it with a grain of salt, and the lack of ability for him to live by his own words. "Respect your mother"? I always thought to myself that I never saw him truly respecting her in any engagement of their relationship.
Anyway, the elements of sexual trauma, very controlling parents, and a dad who always said one thing & did another towards my mother is what sparked this poem.
All filtered through the lens of society in how to "be a man". Be strong. Show power. Don't show any weakness. Any sign of femininity is considered "GAY". Always in control type.
These emotions still run deep. Here's the poem that I wrote to describe the feeling of all that mean....
Manhood.
What is it? What does it mean?
How do I see it?
shut up. MAN UP.
don’t give a fuck,
about your feelings.
don’t give a fuck,
about what’s real.
this appeal
to desensitize the real
bottled up,
consumed
mass appeal
stronger
better
faster
longer
you ain't no man until you
accept the facade
and do your job, with the lack of intricity
Man up
AND DON’T DEFINE ME.
photo cred @caitlyngaurano
location chinatown, portland, or
stylist @foreverloveaboveall
