My friend told me she hates her mom. She went on about how her mom talked bad about her and how she wasn't this, or that, or a real mom. I told her that her mom probably hates her too but she brought you into this world, cleaned your dirty diapers, and provided food and shelter for you until you left home. She told me that she could not believe I was taking her mom's side. Hmmmm.
I told that if she could learn to deal with her mom and her mom's shortcomings she would learn something really valuable about herself. Something really powerful that she could use going froward in her life. I challenged her to take on changing her relationship with her mom to a positive one. She said that I did not know her mom. I told her that i did not need to know her, because I know her and the fact that we always talk about her mom so much tells me she needs to have a healthy relationship with her. Having a bad one costs you too much.
She asked me how to do it and I told her what my mom told me. If you want to end a dispute, put yourself in the other person's shoes during the entire dispute. Every time you communicate with or even think about this person put yourself in their shoes. In a short while you will understand where they are coming from and the dispute will melt away. If you can't do that, then you simply do not want to end the dispute. She asked me how she could just abandon her side of the argument even though she knew she was right. I said you have to choose what is more valuable to you, being right or having your mom in your life.
My mom's words helped me to resolve issues i had with my dad, thank God. I came to see that it was more important for me to have a relationship with him than to be right. And as many problems that I had with my dad (he was a real challenge), I still wish he was here to see his kids and his grandkids. I would have taken every negative and sometimes condescending comment he directed toward me and remained silent, and let him win every dumb argument for that to happen.
Remember, all we have is here, now and us. Use them to seek happiness, because everything else simply costs too much. God bless you.