Dear Steemy,
I’m really bad at dating. I’m not talking about just bad but awful. I never know what to say and I always feel anxious. Most of the dates that I’ve been on have ended very awkwardly, and there haven’t been any second ones. I suffer a condition called Palmar Hyperhidrosis which causes my palms to sweat a lot when I’m under pressure. Like when I’m on a date. It gets so bad that I can’t imagine being touched or touching someone else, and I’m not sure I can be with someone like this. I’m usually rubbing my palms on my legs or shirt which makes me look even more anxious and then makes me more anxious. I believe in love and I want a family but I can’t even seem to get a date off the ground. How am I supposed to date, find love, get married, have kids, all of that? I want to grow old with someone, not die alone because I’m bad at dating.
Thanks,
Striking Out
Dear Striking Out,
My condolences on your condition. For anyone not familiar, there is no cause or treatment for Palmar Hyperhidrosis, so sufferers must constantly deal with sweaty palms. The small details of life that we take for granted can become mountains to climb when we have to deal with such unusual circumstances. I can only sympathize with the frustration and emotional pain this condition has caused you. Everyone deserves love.
Who Are You?
In dating, as in life, honesty is an effective tool that helps us to navigate life’s many choices. Without that honesty, we are more like actors on a stage, or agents sent out to represent the talent (you). You are not yourself if you are not being honest, you are your agent trying to score a good deal. If you are uncomfortable on stage, or negotiating business deals, then you would probably find yourself feeling anxious. Now, I’m not saying this is you, Striking. But I am asking you to look in, and seek out that which defines your character. When you find what’s important to you in your human interactions, you’ll be ready to seek out those who align with your energy.
Be Like the Boy Scouts. Be Prepared!
When you’re out on dates or in social situations that cause your Palmar Hyperhidrosis to flare up, it can seem rather anxious of you to constantly be rubbing your palms on your clothing. Humans are cue creatures, taking hints from the movements, actions, and words of others. You could be accidentally broadcasting an unintended signal, and that just adds to your frustration. In a world of body language and dating, perhaps a handkerchief could give you some relief. When you feel your palms starting to sweat, get out that handkerchief (only used for your condition, not blowing your nose!), and unfold and refold it. While doing that, dry your palms and no one should be the wiser. If you wear glasses, this can work even better.
Honesty for Dinner, Conversation for Dessert
Of course, the most honest people stand the best chance of making the real connections. If you are on a first date, though, it can be hard to bring this up. Instead, you could try to share some of the anxiety you’re feeling and relate to your date, they may be nervous as well. You would be amazed at the wonders a single mutual laugh can produce. I can’t tell you to relax, because dating is pure anxiety. But I can tell you that finding ways to head off the obstacles that stand in your way is a great way to develop the courage to handle adversity.
We All Are Born and Die Alone, But We Don’t Have to Live Alone
It is a fact of nature that we are born alone, barring twins and such. Still, the experience of being born is singularly ours, and even though we don’t remember it, it happened. Our experience through life is singularly our own, and no one else can lay claim to it because they simply cannot share what we experience. We do not have to live alone, though.
This earthly experience is made possible by other humans. Our interactions between each other are the lessons and experiences that enrich the overall time we spend here. Don’t just lament the love you aren’t finding in your romantic life, but seek out the love that exists in total in your life. If you are close with your family, spend more time with them. If you don’t have family there are wonderful communities of volunteers from which long lasting and loving friendships can be made.
Be a part of the love that exists around you and maybe you can find the peace to approach romantic love not as some trial, but as an extension of the beautiful paths that love creates.
Good Luck Striking,
Steemy
Hi Steemit,
I'm Steemy, and this is Dear Steemy. The above is a real life situation that I've adapted for this anonymous blog about the real issues we talk about. This series of confessions comes from my long history of being entrusted with the secrets of others, a heavy weight that I hope to lift a little by sharing it here with the Steemit community.
If you would like some advice anonymously, you can email me @ dearsteemy@gmail.com. Please be aware that I will post your issue, and my response to it, here on Steemit. Unless otherwise specified, I will not use any usernames or other identifying information, nor will I divulge any information in my possession.
This email is purely for those wanting to ask for advice, or share something they're working through. Any spam or post promotion will be gently ignored.
This is an anonymous forum for sharing the hard-to-face situations where any advice would be appreciated. This is not to be construed as medical or psychological advice. Please feel free to comment with your feelings about the topic above.
Until I start to receive submissions from the community, I will share these current secrets that rest heavy on my heart. I hope you find comfort and personal value in this blog. I am so happy to be here.