Chatting with somebody about cheating and marriage, I found some interesting statistics. The one on Wikipedia shows divorce is a real plague in the developed world. In some countries, more than half of the marriages terminates with a divorce, in others, 20-40 percent. Even in some Islamic countries happens in 10-20 percent of the cases.

In the so-called developed world, in the European Union and North America, I estimate, the 40-45 percent of married people get divorced sooner or later. (Divorce/marriage ratio on Wikipedia is something different, is the number of divorces to the number of marriages in a given year. That depends also on the age of people, or the ratio of younger and older people.)

Secondary effects

A large number of divorces has many secondary, deteriorative effects. For example, many people are living lonely in their elderly years. By other statistics, lonely people die earlier or get ill more often. (Your spouse cares about you…) Divorced parents maintain and educate children much more difficult. Maintaining two separate homes, paying the bills is much more costly in family terms.

Children in divorced families have often psychological problems, disorientation in life, troubles in school, sometimes disorders in their whole life.

Marriage is protecting you

As for example, the American Psychological Association (APA) wrote:

In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 50. Healthy marriages are good for couples’ mental and physical health. They are also good for children; growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and social problems. However, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce.

Unhappily ever after

And who stayed married but are unhappy (APA):

And for those that stayed married, many are in unhappy marriages, which, research shows, is a risk factor for poorer mental and physical health and is associated with an increased risk for relationship aggression.

We can estimate that more than half of people are unhappy? I think so. Why are people divorcing so often? I’m sure there are many answers and sources, I found this one, relatively new, made in 2017, in the United Kingdom:

The three most common reasons for the breakdown
of marriages have not changed in the last four years. They are (figures for 2017):
growing apart/falling out of love (25%)
extra-marital affairs (21%)
unreasonable or controlling behaviour (20%).
Grant Thornton

What is the midlife crisis?

A statistics about the causes on Wikipedia, from the year 2004, also UK:

Adultery; Extramarital sex; Infidelity – 27%
Domestic violence – 17%
Midlife crisis – 13%
Addictions, e.g. alcoholism and gambling – 6%
Workaholism – 6%
Other factors - 31%

Some causes, like “adultery” (infidelity), “midlife crisis” or “falling out of love” remind me to another common reason: boredom. Not very romantic, I know, but... isn't that a problem? Did you never get bored with somebody?

There is a common sense of wisdom, where people say: In earlier times, some centuries ago, as most people were living only 30-40 years, it was easier to stay together. Actually, as many people are living 75-85 years in most developed counties, it is much more difficult. (Scientifically not proved.) At least for many of us.

Do you really do all possible for your spouse?

Seems to be very probably that It’s easier to tolerate, love, esteem and respect your spouse a 10-20 years time period, than 50-60 years. I know it sounds horrible, cynical, cold-blooded, but is that a reason not to talk about it?

Let’s suppose I don't want to lose my spouse, I love him/her. But she/he can’t be faithful, needs, sometimes, an affair. In the modern world, I can decide to tolerate this unfaithfulness to maintain my marriage. “I love you so much I could sacrifice my life for you” – are saying many lovers. Really? Would you do all? Also tolerate unfaithfulness? Or “all” doesn’t include this?

Adultery as medicine?

Perhaps divorces would be less frequent if people had more freedom in their relations? I know people are very different, some can’t even think about this and will call me a pervert or something. For others, polygamy is totally natural. Read about the swingers’ life…

There is a phrase circulating here in Europe: “Many of us are living in polygamy, but we can’t have several spouses at the same time. So we have them one after the other.”

Thousand-year-old rules

As laws and religion don’t tolerate adultery very well, many have no parallel relations at the same time. But they are changing to another girlfriend/friend/spouse every 3-5-10 years. But by this method, many people are suffering. Mainly, the children and divorced mothers, but often also the husbands, expelled from their homes for a one-night stand.

Anyway, I think we are making something wrong, the mentioned numbers are showing this clearly. Can’t we make it better? Is it really necessary to live according to the rules of one thousand or two thousand years? What do you think? Please, comment.

Please answer my poll: Why Would You Divorce?

(Photo: Pixabay.com)