My bike has been fixed finally and I'm excited to cycle to the beach again. Although I have a scooter now, my bicycle is still my first love. I don't need petrol just to run errands and I get free exercise from the natural physical movement. People say that scooter is better as I won't get tired anymore going to places. Sure, but that's not the point. The point is to actually feel tired. Life is more meaningful when you move naturally and don't depend your life on mechanical conveniences. Connecting with nature along with physical activity is my only way to cope with the emptiness and all kinds of shit in this world.
I'm loving my domestic living and new hobbies. I enjoy doing other things to pass time when I don't have any clients. Though I still regularly work on my website in hopes of getting more sales, I've just accepted the reality that my business is a slow path. Anyway, I realize that I get clients when I'm least expecting it. So, I don't have to obsess with this whole achievement thing and instead just focus on enjoying my time and freedom. This is the time to focus on self-improvement. I try to live more in simple ways.
So, I was feeling great yesterday with all this in mind. I got my bicycle and excitedly cycled to the beach, until, a group of men hanging out close to the road ruined my day. My usual catcalling dilemma. The thing is, when I'm on a scooter, nobody really bothers me. People are used to seeing women riding their scooters. And besides, if men start being like animals, I can easily just crash into them, and possibly hurt them big time. Not that I will really do that, but there's a point when people really push me to my limits. When ignoring the problem just won't do the trick anymore. I'm trying my best to be sane enough not to let people bring out the worst in me, but it's hard, people are the worst.
Cycling is the best thing that ever happened to me. It's an activity that I enjoy doing that does not require me to actually have friends or spend time with people. But people just like to ruin things for me. When I've become so used to my peace and being comfortable in my own skin, I get this debilitating anxiety and intense hatred when things don't go my way. Sometimes, I just want to teach people how to treat me - or other women too. I will even hurt my perpetrators if that's what it takes. I don't accept things as they are unlike in the third-world backward thinking or first-world stagnation in blissful ignorance. I do believe that I can make the change in my own little way.
It's not just Paris criminalizing street harassment. The law has been passed here now too just some savages are still unaware. Out of anger, I called the town council or the police which happened to be all men too, and they didn't quite understand what the problem was. They still didn't understand that it is a problem. Street harassment is a problem because it prevents women like me to actually enjoy the outdoors, nature, being on their own and not be dependent on men for protection. It's a patriarchal society here. And it's hard to live on your own as a woman because of this. I couldn't care less of what others think, they can think whatever they want for all I care. As long as these men leave me alone, undisturbed, untouched and unharmed. Is it too much to ask to mind your own life?
The whole incident caused a commotion but I don't really care. I think it happened for the best. And maybe, people know now that this is what's going to happen if they harass women on the street. I don't care if they resent me, I just want to arrive from point A to B peacefully. I don't care about all those justifications those men in authority try to give(you are pretty, you are alone, you are sexy...) I just want to be left alone as simple as that, I am happier this way, always been.
I will do anything I can, in my own way, to lessen the disrespectful idiots in this world, even if I get physically hurt or it might even cost my own life. I know I should not let their behavior disturb my inner peace, but what can I do? One way or another, I will get affected. I'm only human who feels anger and sadness. There's no way I'm going to suppress my real feelings. And so after feeling great, I now feel like shit. This sudden emotional shift makes me not want to do anything outdoors.
Is it still possible to live life on your own terms? Like, to live in peace, enjoy the simple pleasures in life, and happily do what you like doing without people ruining things for you. Is it even possible to still live alone without other people making you feel lonely? Because if you are on your own, you become a target. You seem vulnerable to others but the reality is that you are not. The fact that you don't have anyone there for you, protecting you, taking care of you, makes you the real strong person who can do a lot of things without needing anyone else.