To feel better, it is not necessary to develop positive thinking. It is enough to learn to recognize and control inaccurate and irrational thoughts.

Caterina Costula

Blogger and executive coach at Google.

1. You should like everyone

Actually, no. This attitude was actual in prehistoric times when the human life depended on relations with fellow tribesmen and from being in the tribe. But since then we have had many new options.

When I started to publish articles on the Internet, I was preparing for the heaters, I expected the worst. But that did not happen. Yes, someone did not like my texts. But I needed to find people who share certain interests, and I found them. If I tried to please everyone, my posts would be so empty and deceitful that no one would be hooked.

You should not like everyone. You should like some to be part of the community. Today this community can be scattered all over the world.

2. You must be competent in everything

A few years ago, someone told my mother that I did not know much about farming. Mom was offended, and I'm not because it's a fact: I do not like working around the house, I'm not competent in this. But it's okay, I'll give it to someone else. So I get pleasure from a clean house and pleasantly smelling clothes, but I spend my time on important things for me, such as raising children and coaching.

In addition, I do not need to understand anything in order to enjoy it. I'm not a visual person, I prefer ideas. This does not prevent me from drawing and posting on Instagram. Why miss the pleasure just because there is no talent?

3. It's terrible when things go wrong

Life will not always follow your plan. Find a way to accept this. As an option, try to mentally prepare for all possible options.

Tony Robins (motivational speaker, coach, author of best sellers for life coaching) offers another idea: what if everything goes awry for your own good? It's true. Some of the nicest things in my life have happened because my plan did not work. If I were taken to the company of my dreams, I would not have found a job in Google. If our house were not destroyed last year, we would not have moved into a tropical paradise. Has this ever happened to you?

Even if you do not believe that everything happens for some reason, you can believe in your resourcefulness and the opportunity to correct everything. Sometimes, in the end, everything turns out even better than you planned.

4. If there is a danger, you should worry about it

My husband left to go with his family this year, and there was a risk that when he returned, he would not find a good job. He could allow anxiety to destroy our vacation, but could for a while forget about him and deal with matters at the right time. I'm glad that he chose the second one. When we returned, he had two attractive proposals.

Here it is appropriate to recall Mark Twain's statement: "I knew a lot of trouble, but most of them never happened."

5. You are determined by your past

You can not change the past, but you can change the present and the future. Do not let the things that have happened already have an influence on you: deal with unclosed gestalt and keep moving.

6. People and things should be different

I fall into this trap. My friends must do more for their happiness. My company should be less politicized. And my husband should be more open to my crazy ideas. Such a model of thinking causes only disappointment, and this is meaningless. What is, that is, the world should not meet my expectations. When I condemn less and accept more, life gets better.

7. You can be happy doing nothing.

Happiness is natural. My child is happy by default. This is a state in which a peaceful mind enters. But in today's world, you must try to achieve it.

The last six months were probably the happiest in my life, and I worked for it. I moved with my family to a tropical island. She began to train and doze off during the day. Continued to improve in coaching. I wrote and worked. Practiced in gratitude. I met new people and made friends. Began again to go on dates with her husband.

Everything needs training. Happiness can be a natural state, but you rarely reach it in inactivity.

8. It is easier to avoid responsibility and difficulties than to accept them

I realized the falsity of this belief in 20 years. My tooth hurt, but I was afraid to wrest it. Finally, I went to the dentist and it was not so painful as I imagined. In addition, the problem disappeared once and for all. Since then, I know that it is easier to cope with difficulties than to try to avoid them.

Another example is related to parenthood. The first years are heavy. But I believe that the more you invest in this time, the easier it will be. You need to do a great job when the children are still young, but when they grow up, they will be more independent and self-confident. Taking responsibility, you simplify your life in the future.

The realization of all these irrational thoughts is already a huge step. The next time you catch yourself on them, just mark it. Think about whether they help in achieving your goals. Let them calm down. So your mind will gradually move towards something more natural, more robust convictions.