A nonames ramble Ramble On naquoya
My wedding day occurred just eight months after we lost my sister to a car accident...
...that to this day we've never really sorted out.
It was in the day time, summer and the weather was fair. She blew a stop sign on the way to a matinee with a girlfriend and was broad-sided by a van full of teenagers...on a country back road where the chances of something like that happening were very,very slim. Like winning the lottery slim. Even if it was at night and there was fog it would have been a stretch.
She died instantly, we were told, her head hit the windshield and that was that. Her friend was unconscious for a couple of days, but she recovered and lives a full life today- thankfully, I'm not sure we could have handled her being responsible for another's life..or death as it were.
Where was I? Ah, my wedding. Life is strange- is the title of a popular video game- (Have I played it? Nope, but I watched PewDiePie play it)
-and also the title of my own life. Which is hardly unique I'm sure.
Because let's face it, Life IS strange. By every metric we have to judge such things.
So my wedding-- aside from looking at the man I've LOVED since I laid eyes on him (and still DO, two decades since I was a starry eyed eighteen year old) and inwardly nodding at the rightness of the situation-- the rest of my mind was on the glaringly missing maid of honor... I did have one of course, my cousin Heather stepped in and did the station glorious justice.
Just not the one I would have had...if she'd lived.
I gave a speech, I really don't remember what I said, only that it was about her and I made everyone cry. But not quite as much as the daddy/daughter dance made people cry.
I'm sure that had a lot to do with the fact that it was on everyone's mind that I was now his only daughter.
A few years later my husband's closest friend, and a man who was like an adopted brother of mine-, well there's no pretty way to say it--he hung himself.
He had been labeled Manic Depressive, and for years he used one medication to stave off the worst of his crashes- Marijuana- and it worked pretty damn well-
source
-Until he got a job working for an Architectural firm that did ritual drug testing and he had to make a choice. I guess we could say he made the wrong one, since he ended up having a 'breakdown' which led to a hospital which led to ANTI PSYCHOTICS?? with this on the warning label: Major Side Effect- Suicidal Tendencies.
And this would be the obvious place where I would rant about the pure shit of a system that prescribes it's people dangerous- and obviously as Dana would attest to if he were still here- lethal drugs to 'help' them, while criminalizing something that grows naturally from the earth and does actually help....
But instead I will skip ahead
to now. Right now. Not a month ago when I lost my dad, even if that is the catalyst to all of this, but NOW.
Where all of the things I thought were so important suddenly seem so distant. And I do mean ALL, and those of you who know me, well you know I have a lot of passion for many different topics concerning the 'human condition'. Or...I did have a lot of passion for those things aka So many things wrong with this broken world something I've felt for some time...but suddenly I feel
Different.
I watched one of the main characters of my story leave this plane. I watched his book slam shut. And nothing could have woken me up to how limited this time we have here Really Is. There is a clock that is ticking down, and we don't even know if it will get knocked out of our hands (my sister) or some genius doctor will knock it out for us (Dana), but we definitely know that the body we ambulate will eventually wear down and stop working (dad). And knowing this, how can I spend one more second not Living; experiencing--LIVING THIS FUCKING EXPERIENCE TO ITS FULLEST?
How can I dishonor those that I've loved and lost in that way?
We don't know what happens after we die. I'm sorry to all of you out there who think you know but that's a fact.
I mean I believe wholeheartedly that we go on, but to say we KNOW what happens? That's not possible. We are finite, limited, temporal. Our brains aren't equipped for processing the truth of Beyond this life. We are on a physical plane constrained by time, we can't even conceptualize what it would truly mean not to be bound by those two things.
So, what is the point of this life?
Sorry, were you expecting me to answer that for you? I can't, not for you. But for me? All I can see is that I've been blessed by this incredible gift to string words in a certain way that inspire. That imagine. That CREATE. And can therefore conclude that the only way I can really fail in this life is if I don't use that gift to do just that.
Maybe there are other things that I will find important along the way again. But for now, this is all that I KNOW to be true-- that and a very old lesson from what seems like a past life
Eat, Drink, and Be Merry.
Which to me, at the moment means just LIVE.
In conclusion:
I recently commented to 
I post chapters from my books, and sometimes I write blogs or show off some pictures-- and I'm killing it! How fucking awesome is that? Doing what I love and the money comes? So thank you Ned, in my opinion this is the best thing to happen to earth since electricity.
To everyone who complains about the shortcomings of this platform--I'm sorry but did you conceptualize this incredible idea that has taken flight? Could you? You wouldn't have the luxury of the whining in the first place if not for what Ned and Dan created for you. Let that sink in. And once it does you have a choice- you can keep bitching, that's your right. Or you can take this gift and run with it, create and marvel at the love shown to your creation.
(I'm not referring to constructive criticism, or practical ways to make things better here, just those who want to yell about it not being perfect without real solutions)
For me...yeah, that is how I honor this life--
Thankful by my Awesome Bro: