(https://www.thinglink.com/scene/783873295362555904)
The American Dream has always created a hostile goal for people who either can't or choose not to fulfill it. Mom and Dad and 2.(something) kids... white picket fence... dog... whatever.
This idealized image of the family is just an imagined creation.
Start with Mom and Dad. We live now in a world where it might be Mom and Mom or Dad and Dad or Insert Gender Identity here and Insert Gender Identity here. And that's okay.
There is also no reason to expect parents to be any good at parenting. Procreating simply involves him finding the ability to put peg a in some her hole b. Having created a child confers no skills or even hope for skills to properly raise and care for that same child.
Many get it wrong... some, horribly wrong.
We have abuse, neglect, apathy, psychological illness, absenteeism, and more. So regardless of who are the genetic donors, and how they donate, we have no right to imagine that things are going to go well.
(https://www.emaze.com/@ACCCRTOT)
Yet we cast great stigma on those who do not fulfill this definition of family. I have great friends who decided not to have children. They were apprehensive when they met me because I was on the way to my current 12 children (plus one outlaw). They were pleasantly surprised when I cared nothing about their family plans. I thought it was odd, because what right to I have to dictate what is right for another individual. They were shocked because it seems everyone else on the planet did care about their family plans. Insisting they would be great parents, etc.. They got constant pressure that drove them crazy, and simply by respecting their choices in life, I started on the right foot in a relationship I cherish to this day.
(https://www.pinterest.com/pin/271341946268934120/)
Similarly, children are raised with the misconception that family is everything. I often council that good family might well be everything, but even then, is it not ridiculous to expect that your family, simply by sharing some genetic information, will be closer to you than your chosen friends? You have 50% of your father's DNA, 50% of you mother's, and it can vary from 0% to 100% similarity with any siblings. None of this potential commonality has anything to do with liking them, or their ability to love, care, support, mentor, and nurture you.
So for those with great families... good for you! How nice. But for those with no family, abusive, neglectful, absentee families, stop believing the lie that somehow you must have "family" to be healthy, happy, and normal. Let yourself off the hook. There is no justifiable reason to believe this is the norm, no matter what "Leave it to Beaver" or "Father Knows Best" or "The Cosby Show" might have tried to teach you. It's made up. Nice if it works out... but shouldn't be expected.
(https://www.biography.com/news/the-cosby-show-cast-where-are-they-now-20814793)
I always kind of knew this instinctively... but what do I know? I'm just a guy. So at one point in my youth, I started to research the odd saying "Blood is thicker than water" which seems always to be used to support the importance of family over, well, water. But as I started searching, I found an Arab saying that made so much more sense.
It goes, "Blood is thicker than milk." This means that those you swear allegiance to, as in a blood oath, are more important than those you suckled the breast with, or she whose breast you suckled. This rang very true to me. Further looking suggested that another interpretation of the whole blood and water thing was actually saying the same thing. Those you choose to have in your company (blood oath again) are more important than those whom you passed through the waters of the womb with (brothers and sisters) and she whose water contained you.
(http://www.funnyjunk.com/The+more+you+tumblr/funny-pictures/4991480/)
This further fits with the saying of Jesus in the Christian scriptures who says :
Matthew 12:47-50King James Version (KJV)
47 Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee.
48 But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren?
49 And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!
So we have cross cultural, historical, sage proverbs that suggest that our real family, the real important people in our lives are those we bond to and live our lives with, whom we share our bread and our ideas and our beliefs with.
This does NOT mean that those who share genetics with us are excluded to second rate associates. It may be that we are fortunate enough that not only do we share DNA coding, but a "blood" relationship as well, where we can have that intimacy.
The Key is.... it is family who may be adopted into our blood family... not the other way around. This provides freedom for those who have been mislead and openly lied to, who haven't milk/water relatives that are worth sharing their ongoing lives with. These are of second importance anyway!!!!! Don't live your life in regret that your milk/water family aren't good enough for you. Surround yourself with those you'd be comfortable creating a blood oath.... become a blood licker (a name for those who lick each other's blood as a means of bonding).
It's okay to love your family... if they are lovable. But please, free yourself of the expectations of society that would cast a shadow on your life just because that isn't true. It should be of no more dismay than that your first car turned out a lemon. Cast it away, and get a new one!