I am currently (re)learning a lesson in the most fundamental of truths. It doesn't matter who you are, where you came from or what you have, there is always something just around the corner that you are convinced will make you happier.
Call it the endless striving behind the human spirit that is probably in part way responsible for our development as a species.
Or call it the ever unsatisfied cravings of the unenlightened for peace in the reality of endless suffering in samsara.
As a Buddhist, and as an evolutionary atheist (I just made that term up to denote someone who believes in the scientific understandings of the nature of the universe - and yes, I can be both as Buddhism has no 'creator god') I can understand both of these truths.
Whatever. At a point in my life where I should be happy, should be satisfied, I find that I'm not. I've come a hell of a long way from where I was as a teenager, but, in the immortal words of U2, I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
Contentment.
Peace.
Happiness.
How much of this is down to me?
How much of it is down to the fact that my studio is still the bane of my wife's existence (despite the long and ongoing effort(s) I have devoted to creating a use-able space (for me) that is acceptable to her)?
And how much down to the fact that our circumstances are such that while we could move to a more suitable house (for my wife) it would be in a much worse location and be without the great community that has built up around us over the last ten years (and yes - it really can take that long to build up a sense of community. Sometimes it never happens), but we cannot quite afford to make our house the perfect house for my wife.
Keep on keeping on, I guess.
And find a solution to my studio that will make at least one of us happy (my wife). Was it ever going to me? Probably not.
But I will keep trying to find the perfect solution and build the perfect life for me and my family.
Please note and understand that there absolutely perfectly legitimate health reasons my wife needs me to get my studio right.
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