Ass the biggest day in my life approaches, I cannot stop think about my father.

I always choose to remember him from good days and my head rejects any image or sound from the "cancer" days. Of course that I miss him, but I decided not to be a parent like he was. I don't say that I am not raised normally, but I will definitely try different approach with my own kid.
First, my father had strange temper. Or he was joking about everything, or he was dead - serious, there wasn't anything between that. People around liked him very much, but he wasn't so talky at home. Or he was too busy, or he was too tired. We didn't talk a lot. I don't say that he wasn't interested in me, my wishes and my own thoughts, he just didn't ask me about that. Later I found out that he knew much more about me than he ever said to me.

He never asked me do I have a girlfriend, he never told me not to smoke or not to take any drugs...

It was not because he didn't care, it was because he trusted me. I was the best student in my class, I was decent with distant family members and, the most important of all, he saw that I can be a worker. Whenever he was working something, I wanted to be there to watch and help, however small and young I was. When he started his own video library, I wanted to work there. I was eleven at that time. And I worked, same as any adult would! Even better. I was going to school in mornings and to work in afternoons. And I was happy about it!

So, dad didn't ask me those important things probably because he thought that I will be OK. That he raised me to be OK. And mom tried to take that part, to take great care about my sister and me. But she was naive and it was easy to deceive he. As I said, I was working and I was great at school, so, everything was allowed to me.
And that was the dark side of the trust.

So I found myself as a corrupted, half drugged, half drunk 16 years old boy on the school playground when my mother called me and told me that she and dad want to speak to me. That day I found out about his cancer and next three years are something that I don't want to remember. When he died, I was crazily mad on myself because there was so many things of which my dad and I never spoke. We never told some things to each other. My mom suddenly woke up, from a quiet and naive woman, she turned to organized and active dragon-woman who drives faster than me :). Now, 13 years later, people can't recognize her.

For about a month from now, I will become a father! And I will talk to my child about everything! And I will know all about that child because, you never know what life can bring to your door and what can happen in the future, so important things cannot remain unsaid! Thank you!