I read an article today from yesterday that was about the lengths that some hotels will go to in order to give you a restful nights sleep. From crafting a sleep-inducing ambiance, yoga and meditation sessions, and even an onsite psychologist to help make those eyelids feel heavy and have you dreaming of sheep.

It reminded me of the BEST NIGHT OF SLEEP i EVER HAD IN MY LIFE, which was in merry old England. Birmingham to be exact.

True Comfort

I stayed at the Comfort Inn Birmingham, on Station Street, Birmingham, B5 4DY, United Kingdom.

Tucked away right across the street from the train station, this was the result of a few hours of search I spent in the summer of 2017 in preparation of my trip to Germany. I love the UK and England is my favorite country due to its natural beauty, the royal family (which we don't have), their culture and traditions (thanks for giving the world The Beatles), and its long and glorious history.

Some Americans may not realize that many of the freedoms we enjoy today, are because our Constitution was based on both the Magna Carta and the English Bill of Rights, without which, we'd have been a very different country.

So thank you England!

As I was searching about online for a hotel, I was surprised at just how CHEAP it was to lay your head down in England as opposed to the highway robbery that occurs at hotels in the US.

I wanted something close to transport, and settled on this hotel next to the train station. So I flew, had a short stop in Iceland of a few hours (asked for change at the airport, and forgot to get that money with the hole in it - the whole reason for stopping there instead of Greenland which is where I really wanted to go), then got on the plane to "Blighty."

After chatting with the very helpful front desk attendant, I took the quaint and tiny little elevator (they call them "lifts" there for some reason, don't ask me why), and headed for my room.

My double room was in the corner and had a view of a brick wall and an alley below, but I loved it. It was huge, with a gigantic bed, and a nice-sized bathroom, with an actual bathtub in it. The price was shockingly low for the size, which is why I snapped it right up.

After searching around for hidden cameras, (yeah, it's a "thing" to spy on your guests at some places as THIS woman found out), I headed out to the enormous Bullring shopping mall, and to see the sights. Note to American mall designers, we need to copy the layout of this mall STAT. It's shaped like a pair of Marilyn Monroe's tits covered in sequins. You can see those glistening boobs for miles around; so let's get to work my fellow Yanks, we can't let the Brits have all the fun! :)

Upon returning, I tucked into bed (after looking UNDER the bed to make sure the next Jeffery Dahmer wasn't hiding out, waiting to slice me and dice me, and eat me all up!).

And that's when I felt it...

It was a spongy but firm marshmallow effect that enveloped me. Not too soft, but not too hard either. But <i<just right, like that story from The Three Little Pigs that I remember from my childhood.

I must have woken up a few hours later, eyelids half-closed, to use the bathroom; and just couldn't wait to get back to bed.

When I awoke the following morning, I'd enjoyed my sleep so much, that I had to shower quickly and run to the train station to make my flight to Germany. But Honestly, I've never felt so refreshed after sleeping in my life, full stop.

My only regret is that I didn't think to check for the brand name of the mattress I slept on, or how the topping layers were constructed. Maybe the secretly piped in aerosolized heroin into the room as I slept? or the mattress was infused with DMT in order to give me a subtle trip throughout the night. Who knows?

Whatever they did, it was the best sleep of my life.

And I'll never forget it.

So if you're planning a trip to merry olde Birmingham England, you might want to book a night at the welcoming little hotel across the street from the train station. The one around the corner from a porno shop with actual BRITISH PORN available - for a price.

You just might have the best sleep of your life.