I’ve been highly flammable and increasingly irritable lately, and I don’t really know why. I am all about listening to my body and always figuring out correlation and causation of what goes on in me. I know that at a certain time of the month, I am super sensitive and irritated because of hormones, so I know when and what to expect with those, but this is different because it’s not that time of the month.
I am sensitive to sounds, people and pretty much everything. I want to stab someone if I hear chewing noises, ASMR videos on Youtube are the worst type of torture I can imagine, I’d choose water torture 9 times out of 10, the one time being just so I donated forget to appreciate how good I have it. I don’t like to see people, or have people see me, I don’t want anyone talking to me, and even going to the grocery store is shit and I get anxiety for it.
Sometimes I try to push through this state, go meet people or try to do something that required effort, but it often leads to disaster. When I am feeling like this, nothing works out like I want it to. I drop things, I stab my toes on table legs, I stumble and I have frown lines worse than a middle aged woman without botox. I have learned to wait out the unstable times, instead of fighting it.
How I deal with my flammable state is by pushing everyone away, putting down electronics that might enable human contact, staying home alone and doing very simple tasks without hurry. I sleep, cook, eat, clean, read and watch streaming services. I have noticed that cutting down on everything extra and concentrating on simple tasks is what calms me down. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I now enjoy doing laundry and filling the dishwasher, who am I!?
Today is a sunny day and that always makes me feel a lot better, the sunlight really has healing properties and I intend to soak up all that in my balcony while reading. I don’t want to go outside, but I also don’t wanna rot inside my apartment, so the balcony is just perfect. I get the clean air, some peaceful city and nature sounds so I donated feel completely isolated, a slight breeze from the lake and direct sunlight.
