My Christmas Tale
Tie a Ribbon 'Round the o'l Oak Man
I myself have never been a real Christmas—or any holiday—kind-a-guy. Yet, my family is into it.
At this time every year, there is a little Elf that shows up hidden in different spots around the house. Each day he is very cleverly hidden for my daughter to find in the morning. This has been going on for years. I sometimes look up from a midnight slumber to see my wife running around in a panic looking for a good place to hide the Elf.
I don't know where the Elf is now, but yesterday it was covering up a wood carving of a nude man that we have on the mantel. The Elf left a bow over the wooden man's privies, I guess, for the Christmas season.
I notice sometimes when my daughter's friends come to visit, the nude man is turned around backward. I turn him back around out of my past anti-censorship ideals. This holiday, we got censored by Santa.
The Elf Censor
I don't pay much attention to the Elf but I noticed his censorship of our nude statue yesterday!and laughed. I laugh every time I see him now. I bring him up to say: I've gotten a little more soft-hearted about the Christmas Season in my more maturing years.
Christmas was always a month that took me two months to recover from. Both from spending too much money, and also from neglecting my goals and routine. Though I might have enjoyed myself; I was always pissed that I had indulged in this silly consumer holiday.
Depending on the era of my life (I'm an ever-changing chameleon it seems); I would rail on this or that political thing, or spiritual thing, or cultural thing—I'll spare you specifics. Needless to say, I had a lot of ideas of how the world should be, of how culture should be, of how I should be, and my family should be.
Notice all the shhhh'oulds. Lot's of ideas of what 'should' be.
Little idea of what was.
I find myself thinking less of what should be, and noticing what 'is'. Not always, but sometimes now; I can stop all the shoulds and see this remarkable little world I live in right now. Almost as if time stops, and there is this little bubble of NOW that I sit in. In that bubble, there is all the air I need for a lifetime. It is quite beautiful. I cherish those little moments.
I can get down on myself for all the years that I spent, not being present—I was not much more than a shadow. But even those regrets, I realize, are yet another thief come to steal my 'presence' once again. And how long will I play that old song...
Little Worlds, Your's and Mine
I have a son that recently flew the coop. He's 20 now, and I'm glad to see him out making a world for himself. But it impacted me so much more than I thought it would; that being, his separation from this little world of ours, into his own.
Oh, how much I took for granted that little guy (later, big guy) following me around, asking what I thought, caring about what I thought and did, doing whatever I was doing, and glad to do it!
Parents are a child's world. Their entire world... I kinda know that and try my best to give them a good world. But I didn't truly take it in, that he too, is my world. And with him more separated my world is separated. I feel disjointed sometimes. And sometimes fall into a deep regret of a past I wasn't fully there for.
Yet, with all things in this crazy world; these little pains are good medicine.
I've settled down these last years. I have begun to see how much the little things of each day are the big things that make a year, or truthfully—a life. And how all my big ideas of 'shoulds' are nothing more than vapors, clouds of escapism.
And why would I want to escape?
I personally think it has something to do with other people's 'shoulds' that I so innocently digest into my own life-diet; of how I should be, or what/who I should care about, what my life should look like, what opinions I should have, what Holidays should FEEL like, what my finances should be, what my children and family should be, or feel... and never getting even close to living up to them, or effecting change in them. So there is a low hum of shame that goes on around the end of the year because once again, I end it without all my shoulds in a row.
No wonder I could never be happy or present, my shoulds were not even my own shoulds... they were what I accepted as my reality, from an outside culture. (From a bunch of strangers to be exact)
Like an illusion of life (my illusion) stuffed inside another illusion of life (Thier illusions).
What is?
What 'is' for me, is:
I have a daughter that is still in 'our' little world. I have a wife who still believes in fairy tales. A son who needs now a good trustworthy friend and to retire o'l dictator Dad (Mr. know it all). An Elf who probably understands more of what a blushing-pre-teen-girl is dealing with, than her Dad does.
And they're all coming over for Christmas!
I always have to draw in my ideas a bit. So, I think what I'm saying Is: Whatever your traditions are, past down, created, or organic to your life's travels... they are important. Even if it be a little consumerism, a little too much to eat, a little lavishness, a little censorship around the table when Uncle Elf comes to visit.
Other's out there in the world (especially the blabbers on media); have all kinds of ideas about what you and your family should be.. don't let their should(s) become yours. Just tie a ribbon on their little nuts like our naked man, and roast them over an open fire.
There is something going on in your little world this Christmas. Don't be somewhere else... go be there for what IS.
Thanks for reading. I'm a artist/writer/songwriter from Texas. Been on heights for awhile. But I'm back. If you like what you Read, feel free to upvote or repost and follow 
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