It has been around 4 month now, since I gave the keys to the new owners of my apartment. I was officially homeless now, by choice though.
I have dreamt about this moment beeing free as a bird, going wherever the fuck it pleases me.
But I felt more like crying. All the memories came up when I bought it. How my ex girlfriend and me painted it, bought furniture, fought which couch to get and were looking forward to create a home.
But thinking more about it, maybe I was not really sad, I was scared.
I knew now I will be starting a new chapter in my life. Walking a more untraveled path. No one of my friends and family could give me advice and most of them told me not to follow this way.
I was only on Malta and then I headed to Thailand were I am still am and I have dreamt about this for around 10 years to live here.
It is still early on my journey and I have still a lot to learn and experience but some things I have learned so far.
You cant run from yourself
- One reason I wanted to get away was, that I was very unhappy. I am way happier now then I have been in a long time but sometimes my sadself comes out and wants to play. But changing my enviorment helped me a lot so far. I just have to be carful with who I spend my time and remind myself why I left.
If you dont know what you are looking for, it doesnt matter where you look
- I just knew I wanted something different. I wanted to go to Phuket and train a lot of Yoga and BJJ and work a lot. After that I maybe wanted to go to Bali, maybe Laos or maybe Peru. My plan was to have no plan and so far I am mostly happy with that.
I miss small things from home the most
- I miss licorice for example. I miss hanging around with my friends. Sometimes I miss my home.
That may sound like I am having the blues a bit at the moment, which I do, but also I am extremly happy that I am able to do what I am doing now. Maybe this is just the first time I feel something like homesickness or I am finally arriving in my new live chapter.
I could propaply ramble a bit more but I want to leave you with a quote from a dead prez song
The universe contains incredible diversity
And you cannot experience it all within the confines of one comfortable lifestyle
Look ahead to what you will think of your life at it's end
You will probably not want to look back and say it was cozy and dull
Thus, react positively to what seems to be disaster
Remember that what seems how to be disaster may be an important step toward evolution
And may even be identifiable as such at some point in the future
Every great loss takes you out of a rut and starts life anew
Be grateful for the time you had and your former happy state
And look forward eagerly to the new phase