Dear Mom Diary,
I am feeling depleted. It has been a busy week, the kids have had full energies and I have to admit to myself that I need help.
The days that I work feel like chaos. To get everything cleaned before the babysitter comes, have supper ready before I leave for 4pm seems like nothing at all. But it isn't.
I am constantly cleaning after a family of 5 and for one person with no magic powers (me) seems like it is so hard to keep on top. I don't know how people do it. I ask my kids to help and it is always a fight with them. Aaden will sometimes help, I have to admit that. Emma.... she's a tough one to get going. And often enough I lose the fight. No matter how much I get at her to help clean, she will argue, cry, scream and as soon as you know it, the day is over and she didn't clean one thing.
I am getting pretty upset at this. The mindset is off. I am trying to explain to everyone that we all live in this house and so we must all take part in taking care of it if we want it kept clean but no one is listening.
Danny is getting upset at me too since most often the dishes are not done. It is what he sees when he gets home from work. I get it. It's not fun to see. I am upset too. And I wouldn't want to be doing dishes after coming home from work too. Should I just buy paper plates? Burn them when we are done?
The list of things I have to do to keep this house clean is crazy. How did my mom do it? How does my friends do it?
Everyday I have to wash the walls because these little hands of 3 kids are always touching them and even though I get them to wash their hands, they are still dirty. It shows on white walls. I have to sweep and wash the floors and I can say that Frankie is the one most guilty of that part. Wash the cupboard doors, windows, do laundry, dishes non stop, wash up the bathroom, dust whatever needs to be dusted, feed the kids, bathe the kids, push them to clean their rooms, help them clean their rooms. Clean the basement, the kitty litter, tend the garden blah blah. Everyone knows the list. So what am I doing wrong to have it where I cannot complete these everyday goals?
I take breaks sometimes, not long enough to watch an episode of something. At night I don't want to do anything more. I am tired and I take it for me time. Otherwise I would just be a robot, emotionless and lifeless. No thank you.
It took me some time to see that I need help. I noticed that when one day Danny had the kids outside with him. I cleaned the entire house. It took me ALL day. The couple things I had no time to do were wash the walls and the bathtub. I went to work in the evening, came back everyone was still outside. They had supper outside and it was all good. The next day we were also outside, doing garden stuff, kids were playing etc. Then I went to work. I came back and the house was a disaster! I was upset. What took me a whole to day to do, was destroyed in no time at all. And no one cleaned it up.
Then I was back at it.
I asked Danny yesterday for help. I told him I couldn't do it alone. I think that made him feel overwhelmed too with him working long hours at the mine too. I get it. On his days off, there is also chopping wood for the winter, mow the lawns (we still haven't sold the other house yet so we have to upkeep the 2nd house), clean the garage etc.
So what am I to do? Accept what cannot be done and be happy with what is? I can't afford a cleaning lady, they charge more than what I work for. That would be nice though.
With summer vacation starting in just one week, it scares me on how things will be a disaster...
Diary, can you help me clean?