We Planned Our Wedding Part 3: 5 Things to Not Do When Planning Your Own Wedding

We planned our wedding, successfully, but not perfectly. We learned from this but what can we do with this knowledge? We don’t plan on planning a 2nd wedding! If we did, we’d hire a wedding planner this next time around! So, let us share some of our words of wisdom of “things to not do” and hopefully, it will help you avoid these mistakes.

1. Not planning and booking early for catering and venue.
Our venue was scheduled 9 months in advance and our catering was scheduled 6 months in advance. This was not enough time. At the beginning, we weren’t really sure of what type of wedding that we wanted (a hotel? a restaurant? a venue?) and didn’t know the cost implications and what we really wanted. 9 months before the wedding, we were rushing to give our money away on a deposit at the next available venue and catering. Luckily, we were very happy with our selections but this did impact our budget. Our catering and venue (just 2 decisions!) cost 50% of the total budget; this is where you can save a significant amount of money, if that is your intension. When we were researching so late, our catering was the only Chinese catering company available in the San Francisco Bay Area, we had no other choice! Even if we canceled and lost our deposit at the venue and decided to go with a Chinese restaurant, we only had 1-2 options which weren’t even in our top choices. I recommend doing the research on the venue and catering pretty much right after your engagement.

2. Not hanging out with our guests!
There were so many things happening at our wedding. We realized afterwards that we didn’t even have time to hang out with our guests or be at our wedding. The whole day happened in a blink of an eye. I, personally, felt like an outsider looking into a wedding ceremony instead of really participating in it since we planned this event. I recommend you to make time in your wedding plans for a break, to calm down and enjoy it. Use this break as the chance to talk to your guests, you know, the ones you selectively chose to celebrate your wedding with, or the ones that flew 2,000+ miles to see you? You may not see them again for a long time! If you do not plan time, you’ll end up like us and only have a chance to say hi and take a picture. Try not to do this, please.

3. Not having a relaxing honeymoon.
We did not have a relaxing honeymoon, or even a real one. As I described in my first post, my wife and I were very busy and did not have time to have a destination honeymoon. Since we were moving, I decided that our drive from California to Washington over a course of 3 days would be our honey moon, to kill two-birds with one stone. It just was not a honeymoon. We took the long scenic route, spending 6+ hours each day driving. This drive was after having to plan a wedding and move and spending 2 weeks with our family, every day! Days after the “honeymoon”, we argued quite frequently, not a great start for married life, if there was still one… It took a month or so until things finally settled down so that we were able to enjoy each other more. Don’t give up your honeymoon, it is as, if not more important, than your wedding.

4. Having a high expectation!
Nah, no, nope, just don’t expect to plan the perfect wedding, it will be awesome nonetheless. Having a high expectation caused so much stress and sort of ruined our “wedding moment”. At the start, we stressed out to find the best vendors. Turns out, even with a little bit of research, all of our vendors were great because they have had so much more experiences at weddings than we have had! We also expected the ceremony and reception to be perfect and it turned out very close to our plans. But honestly, a perfect wedding is a bit boring isn’t it? It just isn’t a wedding unless the wrong reception chairs were used or when the old draft of the wedding vow shows up on the iPad during the ceremony. These events made our wedding a bit more memorable. Planning for the perfect wedding to avoid imperfection caused unnecessary stress and because of this, we didn’t end up enjoying it as much as we should have.

5. Trying to please others!
This advice is not just for a wedding but for life as well! For our wedding, it was pleasing our family members. For example, we wanted to stay at a hotel before and after the wedding, but no! Our parents did not allow that due to traditions, we had to sleep separately at our parent’s homes and make the extra 1 hour drive to the wedding venue before and after the wedding. This caused additional stress, delays, and required extra help for transportation. This is your wedding and you shouldn’t have to do what you don’t want to do. I know it is hard to not please your loved ones but this wedding isn’t really for them, it’s for you and your spouse and the start of your marriage. Don’t let your marriage begin with doing things for others instead of your spouse (and yourself).

This ends it for our 3-post series on planning our wedding. It is pretty much a brain-dump after 6 month meaning that these items are significant enough that we still remember them. Hope it helps, and again, congratulations! Your wedding will be awesome :)

Part 1 and Part 2 of this post will be regarding tips for planning your own wedding and regarding cost saving ideas.
Here is Part 1: https://steemit.com/life/@frankstuff/we-planned-our-wedding-part-1-7-tips-for-planning-your-own-wedding
Here is Part 2: https://steemit.com/life/@frankstuff/we-planned-our-wedding-part-2-5-cost-saving-tips-for-planning-your-own-wedding!