My mother had the kind of childhood that makes a lot of people dysfunctional.
Many things I will not go into detail about, other things like having to hide in order to avoid punishment for reading, her escape from her real life. She was suppose to "Spend time with the family", watching the TV with them. She broke out of her abuse by standing up and saying "No more!".
She has always told me the story of leaving the iron out to cool before putting it away and leaving the house that day with blood running down her legs, having been beaten with a razor strop for leaving it out. That was the day she said "No more!"
My mother could have done anything she wanted, a very intelligent woman. Her stepfather had them traveling all over the country while she was trying to finish school. He would wake them late at night and she would only get to take what they could hang on to as they moved to the next state. During this time she has a high school chemistry teacher tell her she could get a full scholarship in chemistry if she could stay at that school through graduation. Of course she was not allowed to stay, they moved again. She gave it all up to stay with my brother and I growing up. She gave up so many things to be the foundation of our lives. She does not see it this way, these are my words. Love and family is all that matters, as she taught me.
If she had not found the love of her life, no one can say what would have become of her. But she did. She met my father David Lee Hutchings while visiting his sister at their home. That day started a life of love and family. My Father was a near broken man himself and they saved each other.
My Mom and Dad built a beautiful life together. Always modest means, but we were never without love, food and shelter. I consider it to be a perfect childhood.
Two near broken people finding each other and building an amazing life together. Healing each other with unconditional love. Facing all challenges in life as a single unit.
My mom and dad were married for 32 year before he passed on. That was 22 years ago. She could have curled into a ball and let grief destroy her life, but she chose to be strong for her family and her lost love. She morns to this day, as anyone would expect of true love, but she chose not to become paralyzed by it. She has been there for me and my boys when ever we needed her. I question if I would have ever made it through the rough patches in my life without her guidance.
She started taking classes at Southwestern Oregon Community College, SWOCC, in Coos Bay Oregon. She worked hard and got her computer science degree. During that time she started working for the college helping the students in the computer lab until she retired. Mom had to retire because of tears in her stomach wall, her belly actually burst at work one night. The surgeon that worked on her was a butcher, those are the words of the surgeon that saved her life when she came up to Eugene for treatment. He almost killed her and her quality of life has never been the same. She spent 6 months with an over six inch open wound in her belly.
Fast forward a few of years, mom's stomach was giving her pain issues, but she was basically doing okay. Got her to move up to Eugene from Coos Bay so that my boys and I could help take care of her.
The past year, the tears in the stomach became worse and worse. Took her to the hospital and tried to get them to deal with the problem, but all they would do is treat the symptoms and send her home.
They have almost caused her to pass many times. I had been telling them over and over that she needed the surgery.
When they got inside, they spend two hours just removing adhesions, she had three bowel blockages, her left kidney is not working. They had been treating the symptoms of infection with antibiotics for so long she has developed antibiotic resistant strains of infection.
As I typed this(06/10/2016), we had been on our 54th day of her being in either the hospital or rehab. It looks like she might finally be coming home in about a week. All bills are behind and in a critical state.(She did)
That is part of the big issue, the house I have rented for the past 8 years has only one bathroom and it is up a flight of stairs. This house is just not suited for a lady of her age and condition.
It has been a goal of mine for many years to get her out of this house and into a one story building, some place she can easily move through.
Mom is already massively in debt for the times she has spent in the medical facilities.
We are not asking for help in paying those bills, we desperately need to get her out of this house. We need to fix her car so that we can get her to and from her appointments. We need special medical equipment for her. I am a hard worker, raised two boys on my own without child support. But I am currently on unemployment and everything is falling apart for us financial.
It is very hard to ask for help, even when we need it badly, but this a whole different level of need.
I could not live with myself if I did not at least try, at least ask for help.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
The Hutchings Family.