Boundaries is a funny thing. I considered boundaries as an after thought and not really important in my evolution as an empath. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong.
It wasn't until last year that I really started practicing boundaries. Before then, I was too nice, it was hard for me to say "no," I always put my partners' needs before mine, and I caved in to other people's interests and suggestions. I thought sacrificing my own needs was how I was going to make other people happy. This is how I knew I didn't really love myself and suddenly, establishing boundaries was everything.
I have let so many others control my life that I didn't know who I was anymore. And believe it or not, this wasn't even the factor that motivated me to start establishing boundaries. Often, people who don't have healthy boundaries will have chronic skin problems. In my case, I had dandruff. I blamed it on my hormones and genetics, but I knew better. I knew it was urgent to work on my boundaries because the symptoms had manifested on my body. I had to start from scratch, no pun intended. Here are some of the ways I was able to establish healthy boundaries.
You have to define your likes and dislikes. You have every right to have a preference just like everyone else. And if you like vanilla ice cream and your best friend Chong doesn't and tells you it's the worse flavor of all ice creams, it is okay.
Know your limits. I've had my fair share of unwanted advances from men. I sacrificed feeling uncomfortable because I didn't want to hurt their feelings.
Be assertive and direct. I often admired people who were assertive. It was the quality I lacked from being raised in a submissive culture and family. I had to find the courage to speak up and communicate my limits.
Make self-care a priority. "Put your oxygen mask on first, before helping others." Just when you think those pre-flight safety demonstrations were useless, we can learn from it that taking care of ourselves will give us the energy we need to take care of others.
Consider your environment and situation. Do you feel unsafe around certain people? Do you feel unhappy with your job? Is your relationship fulfilling? If possible, change it! Or at least take active steps in making it better for yourself.
Practice. Know that establishing boundaries takes time. Being self-aware and paying attention to our feelings gets better with practice.
Exercising boundaries became the key component to my path in embodying self-love. It proved to me that I was worthy of love without having to compromise myself. It is the ultimate act of compassion.
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