I was always one of the guys. I played with action figures, RC cars, and my one and only Barbie was an astronaut. I loved sitting around drinking beer or whisky, talking about politics, religion, science, technology, and history with my friends' boyfriends/husbands. I dreaded the times I had to get my hair done in my futile attempts to be "more feminine" because salons meant I had to talk about "stupid things" like relationships and shopping. And when I finally found a barber shop and cut my hair like a dude, I felt right at home and so relieved, but I was still uncomfortable in my own body. And because opposites attract, my partners were always in touch with their feminine side; they are all creative artists and liked to cook, etc. However, this was a manifestation of trying to achieve balance outside of myself because I had unconsciously neglected my inner world. And it proved to be a distorted perspective because I was wasn't at peace with my femininity. Now, it all seems like a distant past because I eventually found ways to balance the masculine and feminine within.
Me as a dude.
Know the true definition of "masculine" and "feminine"
Feminine doesn't mean vaginas, bras, and long hair. Masculine doesn't mean penises, sports, and automotive vehicles. What you need to look at are the more subtle qualities.Feminine - passive, receiving, yin, left side, creativity, intuition
Masculine - action, giving, yang, right side, rationality, wisdom
Are you more action-driven? Do you have trouble receiving compliments? Are you afraid of taking action to start a project? Do you always seem to take more than give?
Asking yourself these questions and answering honestly will help you figure out which aspect needs balancing.
Set the intention or make a prayer
Setting an intention before any kind of self-work aligns us to focus on our goals. I made an intention like this:"I dedicate this time to bring my masculine and feminine into balance."
Take a look at your parents or role models
Were both of your parents present? How did they behave with one another and how did your perception of each one affect how you became? If one was not present, how do you think this affected your own masculine/feminine balance?Both of my parents were present. However, my mother was the breadwinner and had the final say in the household. Her own mother was the same way, so it was no surprise that I also fit in that pattern. I always seemed to "wear the pants" in the relationship. And I made more money than all of my partners. I even owned my own tools and fixed up the house, like my mother. I thought it was okay to suppress my femininity because the other women in my family were successful without it. Later on, I recognized the imbalance and started taking steps to foster my feminine aspect.
Heal your existing relationships
We can't ignore our existing relationships with those who were the primary influence of how we perceive the masculine and feminine. Do you find yourself distrusting women because your mother cheated on your father and you held a resentment towards her until now? Or do you find yourself distrusting men because your father left your house when you were a child and you haven't spoken to him since? Find ways to heal your relationships with your parents or relatives through counseling, inner work/inner child healing, and good old fashion communicating, etc. I found that this was often the hardest, but the most important part in this healing journey!Do the opposite
I forced myself to go to a few goddess circles even if it was uncomfortable the first time. I actively hung out with more females who shared my interests. I found that it wasn't so bad, and made more female friends. After a while, I no longer cringed when I would see a group of females. I also started allowing myself to receive from others and an increase in intuition followed.Say some daily affirmations
I would say affirmations like these every morning."I am feminine."
"I am intuitive."
"I am beautiful."
"I am creative."
"I am able to receive."
Check your chakras
Often times the feminine/masculine imbalance would show up in our chakras. For myself, I had to activate my underdeveloped sacral chakra. I started painting and drawing again. I learned how to to cook. My solar plexus on the other hand was overactive. I did specific yoga asanas, chanting, and meditations to balance these chakras. Some examples of sacral chakra balancing are below.Yoga Second Chakra Yoga Practice
Chakra Meditation Chants for Sacral Chakra | VAM
Meditate
This is the meditation I did everyday for several months:"I balance my feminine and masculine energies. I ask my masculine side to make room for my feminine side to grow. I ask that he supports her, protect her, and love her. I ask my feminine side to receive my masculine's love. I ask that she guide him and love him."
I would imagine two colors that represented masculine and feminine: pink on my left side, blue on my right side and I would see that they are perfectly balanced.
Use Flower Essences, Herbs, and Essential Oils
Plants have their own energetic polarity. You can do more research to see what is right for you to take or use on your body. I drank more feminine teas such as lemon. I also took some flower essences that were geared towards nurturing my femininity.Some masculine plants are:
Basil
Cayenne
Ginger
Cinammon
Garlic
Lavender
Mint
Pepper
Rosemary
Sage
Chamomile
Some feminine plants are:
Aloe
Blackberry
Cannabis
Coffee
Lemon
Patchouli
Rose
Thyme
Turmeric
Burdock
Coca leaves
It seems overwhelming, but this was not an overnight process, at least not for me. It took maybe a year until I finally felt truly balanced and I'm still working on it. Just be sure to go at your own pace, after all, we are trying to achieve balance.
Me today, embracing both my femininity and masculinity.
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