From a very young age, we are taught NOT to show our emotions. When a baby cries, then he/she is immediately soothed to stop crying. Toddlers fall and hurt themselves and are told to stop crying because it is part of growing up. When we are a bit older, it is a little bit easier to show our emotions, and we can show easily when we are angry or perhaps sad, but we are still so scared to be embarrassed in front of others that we hold back and withdraw into a dark place, instead of just lashing out.
In social situations, most people try and hide their feelings and emotions, because they don't want to look pathetic in front of others. We teach ourselves to handle our emotions in such a way that it doesn't affect our daily lives or God forbid our workplace.
I tend to do the same. I am a strong person, but I mostly keep my emotions to myself. The only emotion that I am good at sharing is when I am angry. Which I seem to be more than usual lately. I know that this is a bad characteristic, but if I am angry, people tend to leave me alone. Being angry has become somewhat of a defense mechanism.
I do not have many friends, but I am very committed to the ones I have and I will literally walk through fire for them, and I am sure that they would do the same for me, but I am extremely good at building emotional walls, and this has enabled me to live in my own little world where I feel safe. I am a very private person, and I usually keep things to myself because I do not want people to feel sorry for me. I have taught myself to be strong, but the bucket can often just take so much, before it overflows.
One good thing about getting older is that with age, comes wisdom, and often we get to a point where we just can't stand something anymore, and we have to get it out of our system. Then it is time to break down those emotional walls and to start getting rid of all the negative cropped up feelings inside.
Weird thing is that even if I am a broken person inside living in my own perfect world with my own little walls around me, people see me as a strong person and because I seem like a strong person, I often attract the wrong type of people to make friends with.
It is as if they find shelter in me because I am so open minded and can help them through their struggles. Isn't it weird that some of us can help others through their struggles, but we have difficulty working through our own issues.
Often we don't even realize that we are not looking after ourselves. We are so consumed with other people's problems, and our kids or families, that we forget to look after the person in the mirror. Today I have come to the shocking conclusion that I need to start taking care of myself. If I don't do something now, then time for me would be running out sooner than expected.
How can you look after yourself better?
1. Be kind to your body. Give it what it needs, and listen to your body when it tells you something is wrong.
2. Find yourself again. We have such busy lives that we tend to forget about ourselves. You matter!! (Even if you don't want to believe it.
3. Heal yourself mentally and your body will follow.
Today is the first day for me on this journey. Wish me luck!
