Thank you for sharing so authentically. I'm glad it helped you process whatever feelings had been unexpressed.

Similarly, I refer to having come from an average, dysfunctional family. Good people dealing with life without having a whole lot of inner resources or prior modeling for what emotionally healthy relationships looked like.
My mom also worked two jobs and my dad spent a lot of time away. When my dad died I cried a lot the night I was told about it, but that was about the extent of my grieving. I had mourned the "loss" of him much earlier in my life. I can't even remember now what exactly I was feeling when I was crying. It's been 10 years now.
My mom has dementia and hasn't really fully been there for a long time now. It requires a lot of energy on the part of my brother, sister and me to take care of her, even though she is in an independent living community and we hire some care for her. I'm not sure what I will feel when she's gone. My sense is that it will be mixed--missing the sweet soul that was my mother and being relieved that the obligation to do the basics for her is over and knowing that she is relieved of the mental torment of having no idea what she is doing or how she has spent her day.
Within it all I have great compassion for each of the members of the cast in the play of this life who have managed to still imbue me with qualities I value, despite the hurdles they had to overcome.
Life is indeed interesting. May the days ahead continue to bring awareness that serves you in your unfoldment and your ability to bless all who have played a role in that. <3