On Sunday I took my 11 year old son and 9 year old daughter to see Santa Clause. I assume my son no longer believes, but I'm not sure.
How can this be? What kind of dad doesn't know if his kid still believes in Santa?
I'll tell you what kind... the kind who doesn't want to know. Just like my son told me that he doesn't want to know.
Before I get too far into this, I feel its important to give my personal opinion on Santa. Some may argue that telling your kids that some jolly old fat guy travels around the entire world and delivers presents to 1 billion houses in one night is simply a huge lie. However, I look at the Santa story as pretending. A lie is meant to deceive. Usually lies are told in order to benefit the liar. "Pretending" on the other hand has nothing to do with deception or personal gain. Pretending is intended to be fun for all of those involved. So yes, I pretend that Santa is real... and I think my kids are OK. If others see things differently, I am completely fine with that. To each his own...
Now back to my son. Three years ago, I was very worried that my son was too immature. While his peers at school were watching sports and talking about Call of Duty and action movies, my kid was till playing Skylanders and watching cartoons. He was our first child, so I didn't have an older sibling to compare him to (not that it would have actually helped). I now know I was being absolutely ridiculous. He was, and still is, just fine. Kids develop different interests at different times. He was completely happy. Therefore, I was silly to worry.
During this momentary lapse of reason, I started to wonder if a 3rd grader were too old to believe in Santa. Would he be made fun of at school for still believing? Would another kid spill the beans and crush his dreams? Should we tell him preemptively in order to assure that we would be there to pick up the pieces of his broken heart? What if he figured it out on his own? He's pretty smart and understands science, so there was a real possibility he would. If he did, would he be angry with my wife and I for lying to him? There were so many questions. I needed some help.
One day, while I was eating lunch with some friends, I told them about my dilemma. I asked them, "When do you think I should tell Timmy that Santa isn't real?" Each of them gave some good advice. They each spoke about their own experience as either a child or a parent. Then my friend Lisa gave me the greatest advice ever. After everyone had their say, Lisa looked at me and said, "Never. You should never tell your son that there is no such things as Santa". She went on to explain that as soon as a parent says those words, all magic dies. Because it's not just Santa that is at stake. It's fairies, unicorns, leprechauns, wizards, dragons, and the idea that a movie could be filmed in a live volcano. Lisa was right. I was thinking that I would be doing my child a favor by taking the initiative and telling him the truth before he discovered it on his own.
But I was wrong. All I would have been doing is placing an arbitrary limit on his imagination... and his childhood. Kids should get to be kids for as long as they can.
Thank goodness I heeded this advice. Not only was my son not ready three years ago, he still isn't ready to hear those words from a trusted authority. Last year when we were alone together in the car, he asked, "Dad, is Santa real?". Being an experienced teacher, I simply asked, "What do you think?" Before the last word left my lips, he quickly and loudly said, "Never mind. I don't want to know. Please make me a promise that you will never tell me he's not real". I made that promise. He knew the truth. But he didn't want to know. He wanted magic to be real. He wanted to believe that he might actually see a dragon one day or that he may still receive a letter from Hogwarts. There was no way I would ever take that away from him. As long as he didn't hear me say those words, he could keep dreaming. He could keep being a kid.
This Sunday, as we all got dressed up to visit Santa, I asked Timmy if he was planning on sitting on Santa's lap this year. This was my way of signaling to him that I was aware that he knew... but that I would always keep my promise to never say those words. He smiled and told me that he did not want to this year. I assured him that this was fine and that he should do whatever felt right to him. Then he said, "But I'll still talk to him and take a picture with him... for MJ."
MJ is his 9 year old sister. Timmy was letting me know that he isn't going to take magic away from her just yet... which is good because on the way home, she asked if we could put food out for the reindeer this year.
Timmy exclaimed, "Of course!"
Tadaa... MAGIC! (What else can explain a big brother being nice to his little sister?)