THE STORY

  As a college student, you're often times in situations where money is an issue. For whatever reason that may be, we've all had to work odd jobs in order to pay the bills.  I am no exception, a little while ago I had the opportunity to model for a Taiwanese lingerie designer. I actually didn't exactly seek this opportunity as the designer herself came up to me one day when I was just eating at my favorite cafe. It was exam week and I had barely slept the past few days, in fact, I had to get back to the studio and finish my project. She told me about her line and gave me all the information I needed to check up on her, I was a bit skeptical but when I actually did, it all checked out.

   I however, gave this much further thought and after a little while I concluded that this was, in fact a decent job, as all I was doing was selling a product. I even contacted the designer and asked for a little guide of what to expect from the photoshoot itself; she told me everything I needed to know and it made me feel very safe, this would be my first ever modeling job and as a further precaution I texted a good friend exactly where I was, and the hours I was supposed to be working. 

   The day of the photoshoot came, I arrived on location and everything seemed legit, the designer was there along with the photographer, they were directing me in Chinese and in English as I was trying my best not to look like a noob and follow their suggestions. Not once I felt threatened or disrespected and it was very professional, I was actually excited to see the photos, this was definitely something outside of my comfort zone and I was proud that I went through with it.

After the photo shoot I felt empowered, sexy, brave, more comfortable in my own body, and I gained respect for models that do this as their main job.

NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES

• My close family felt disappointed, like I've disrespected myself after seeing the photos.
• Outsiders who knew of the photos and knew me, thought of me as "less serious". 

   At first my mom spoke to me, almost in tears about the photos she's seen, she was disappointed and thought to have raised me better. My father simply agreed. My mom had to hear comments from virtually strangers about how "I looked like a serious girl before..." This put a huge strain on my relationship with them for some time. If you knew me, you'd know that my relationship with my mother is very special to me, and at the time they all just made me feel embarrassed of myself, like I'd failed them. It didn't matter how I initially felt about the photo shoot.

  I struggled with my conscience for a while, but at the end I couldn't help but to feel silly. I know what I did for the job, it was industry textbook and thousands of women have done it before. So why did people feel the need to give their opinions on my "lack of decency?", why did people that used to know me decided I suddenly wasn't intelligent? I was still a university student taking all of my classes in a THIRD language. So, because I posed in lingerie, all my brains go to the trashcan? This is what bothered me, the society that raised me to be independent, strong, and confident is the same one that has the double standard that puts me down; all coming down to what I wore for a job.

This experience has helped me realize, that the most important thing to have is my own peace of mind, it is how I look at myself in the mirror and love what I see. Because I am me, and that is and will always be enough.

It is a great time to be a woman, we've come so far and with social media being an anchor for body positivism, empowerment and a tool for learning how to better support each other, we have no reason to be afraid. Not anymore, lets raise each other up instead of tearing the other down. Let's create a world that's worthy of praise, where men and women equally live lives that are full of self love, tolerance and peace of mind.

Have you ever felt like your decisions were the wrong ones for all the wrong reasons? How did you cope?

Feel free to ask me any questions on the comment section below. Much love x