One thing I’ve learnt from being in a relationship is that it is vital for both parties to compromise… in a lot of areas, but lets be specific here; in the way that you handle arguments or disagreements.

For example I’ve come across people that prefer a period of solitude before opening up about what’s bothering them, usually to allow themselves to cool down so as to avoid fury being the culprit behind them blurting out something that they shouldn’t have said or will struggle to take back.

I’ve also come across people on the opposite end of the spectrum…people I know quite well… people I know really well actually… OK I’m one of these people! People that prefer to settle the issue as it arises, despite emotions running high, the possibility of getting bitten by a few venomous words, hit with a few stray f-bombs, or dampened by sudden waterworks, prefer to have a screaming match until a conclusion has been reached.

NOTE: By screaming match I mean an event in which both parties ACTUALLY try and get their points across and not stop until each other are understood completely. I DON’T mean pointlessly screaming and saying hurtful things, that’s just mean and I cant imagine would be very constructive.

I can say that I’ve tried both approaches to handling disputes, but all that happens when I choose to dish out a sizeable serving of the silent treatment, OR am on the receiving end of such a dish, is that my thoughts and emotions simmer and amplify. From either not having heard an explanation for why the opposing party has pissed me off OR an explanation as to why I have pissed off said opposing party.

These thoughts and emotions mingle and breed until they’ve given birth to a family of stressors that would have never seen the light of day, had the initial issues been addressed and resolved at the time. In my opinion all that you’ve achieved after an unexplained dose of silent treatment is put your partner through an unnecessary amount of anguish and wasted a bunch time and emotion being upset at each other.

Personally I don’t attach any merit to the excuse of “I don’t want to say something I can’t take back”…

What exactly are you planning on saying that is going to be so destructive that you wont be able to take it back?…

That’s a bit worrying I think.

I know that regardless of the crime, I will never attack my partner with such a vicious, emotionally damaging, tirade of words that I’d be worried about having to take it back. I might make some firm statements and warnings but at no point during an argument am I saying anything that I don’t mean, besides maybe the occasional use of words such as a*shole…and its associated synonyms, but as I mentioned before as a seasoned veteran of screaming matches, those are minor wounds one comes to accept as part of the sport! Like a black eye for a boxer!

One personal fault I know I have is that my tone of voice rises subconsciously the more passionate I get during the course of an argument and unfortunately I think this also leads the opposing party to pay more attention to HOW I am relaying my words, and not WHAT I’m saying.

Ill conclude this by saying I don’t think it’s a matter of being either a vocalist or a mute – there’s a time for silence, there’s a time to nurse your wounds, but I need words when words are due, I NEED WORDS WHEN WORDS ARE DUE. Which is the chorus for a song that I wrote on this topic.

Here’s the lyric video.

And you can stream it on the platform of your choice here!
http://hyperurl.co/wwad-havek

What I’ve taken away from all this is the following:

• Have the conversation early with your partner and let them know what kind of a “arguer” you are and how you’d prefer to handle disputes and compromise if necessary.
• There’s a time for silence and there’s a time when words are necessary, this might mean a minor screaming match just so both parties aren’t completely oblivious as to what’s going on in each others head, followed by a period of silence to cool off, promptly followed by another screaming match to settle things, and then most likely followed by some make up se... ill just stop there.
• Everybody is different, and people get mad at different things and have different ways of handling problems, make an effort to find out what you put your partner through with your behavior, and why they might think the way they do.
• This whole piece of writing summed up in one word:
  

  COMMUNICATION

Havek.

Facebook fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/RealHavek/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kavehdaei/