Got through the day, ended up being somewhat busy. Still had some time to rest up some too. Tomorrow will see some action. Dropping off fam at airport, she will be gone for a week. Had an uh oh! moment. Both vehicles are in her name and the plates will expire 2 days before she's back. Those issues seem to creep on us. Last month she found her licence expired at a concert when I.D. was shown. On the way home lo and behold she got pulled over by the cops! Have many frustrating moments like that. Sucks being poor and having hectic life. The fam finished a job months ago and we still haven't been payed. That happens allot it seems. Slows us down. Feels like the community and society is not on your side. Makes the struggle more difficult.
I've been stuck from deemed gov't debts. All my life I've felt cabin fever. Like I need to have time and space alone and also more of a social time. Find it hard to find many people to talk to or get along with. Many seem depressed in anti-social behaviour. I get flashbacks and rages from that... from the party life I don't want to be a part of. I'd rather discuss ideas, engage in interesting projects and the like. I feel like screaming at these people - look I don't want to fuck anyone, I don't want to get black out drunk, I don't want to do drugs, I don't want to worship death poets, I don't want to talk about really disgusting porn videos, I don't want to listen to shitty music, I don't want to act cool as a way to enable you to do self destructive behaviour etc... yet it seems like those are the only people out there. Like only ant-social shit heads exist and there is no where to go and no one to talk to. Everyone seems to talk about their stupid fucking Netflix shows, I don't care about that in the least. I end up feeling what the fuck is wrong with these people. You call that a party or conversation!? Drives me round the bend.
What keeps me going is interests. Sometimes always busy to do much with it. Still it's reading, writing, music, art etc that gives me that something extra. I can make something to show other people, it can help to be engaged. So yea, I will try to take my mind off this week while the friend/fam is gone. Won't have much money, won't be able to have much fun. I will have to read and create to stay level. Won't be able to drink or smoke much to de-stress. I know I can get through though. There is much on my mind and I can get it out no matter what.
So yea just a post where I didn't care too much for what was said. Just trying to let something out. Now I will go back to sleep to greet tomorrow! Get through this week! Then I can have more fun afterward. Give myself something to look forward too. Somehow I'm still feeling less stressed, my mom says she is feeling less stressed! That's good, I'm going to see her tomorrow. I will also see a friend for a potluck on Sunday so that may brighten things up for me some. Can't wait to work on more music too and release the next projects.
