I got some guitar practice in today. Felt balanced, feel healthy enough. Feeling more up and alert too. Wound down the night by watching some more Dark on Netflix. Attempted to watch the rest of the last episode in Black Mirror but had to stop again from getting faint from the doctor getting off on self mutilation. I thought that was good! Shows I'm still sensitive! The world has not desensitized me yet, even though I've been through allot!
I will try to get through the rest of the episode eventually. I don't like allot of gore so much. Although it wasn't the gore of the show that made me sick so much, it was that he was doing it to himself and getting off on it. Truly bizarre and sickening. I know it from real life, people abusing drugs, doing self harm etc. as a momentary means of escape or to feel something. Yet when some of these people do this they act like it is fun and cool. Like they are so hurt that they have a right to be suicidally anti-social. Yup, that gives me the creeps!! And it should, a sign of health!! Cheers to that.
That's why nowadays I try to be social in the daylight. I don't wanna know what people do in the shadows. I'd like to see the best parts of them. Not saying I want them to hide away their pain or trauma or addictions from me. Rather to get them off of the nihilistic trip and get back to feeling a part of something constructive. Hug a junkie, listen to their story, show them some love, just don't be an enabler and act like it's okay for them to be fake happy when the self abuse makes it worse. And they do it to try to fit in with others feeling down and out so they don't have to change their mind.
It can be hard to talk and think about it. I do think about it sometimes and express myself. What many people need is a positive uplifting distraction instead of a negative put down self loathing distraction. In my times I'm trying to calm down and deal/heal my trauma as well. I have an addictive personality so I have strongly avoided any hard drugs. I know that would probably screw me over and I don't have the desire to try many things even once! It's tasteless to fit in and act in such away that enables others. That's another reason why I don't use. However I smoke, that's bad enough. I'm not an experimenter or try low dosages either..that can be very stupid too.
So yea, going to go to bed. Hopefully will have another dream. This time without the creeper guy would be nice! Come to think of it I almost remember him talking about in dream communication. Now that I think of it that pisses me off. If he comes in the dream again I will get him to fuck off for sure! I don't want to know the dimwit asshole part of this guy. He was aggressive in the dream. He believes in that men who stare at goats movie and all this bullshit. So I must make myself and psyche protected to ward off any ill intent from someone like that.
Now I say I will have fun/exciting dreams. I will get to the right on! in life. Continue life's adventure!